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Technology Thoughts and Comments

The Year Everything Connected

2008 is now history. Only one more year left in the “ohs”. All over the internet and across the airwaves, people are writing their summaries of the year just completed, presenting their Best and Worst lists, reviewing the top stories, and predicting what’s going to happen next.

I thought of doing one or more of those same things, but frankly, that’s been done to death. Instead, I thought about what, if anything, really changed in the way I live my day-to-day life in 2008. And I came up with… connections.

Since I first starting using the Internet in 1994, and even before that with CompuServe and AOL, pundits have been talking about how the future will be a wired one. But in 2008, the future became a wireless one. Many of the individual elements have been around for a while. I mean, people have been getting their business emails wirelessly with Blackberries for years now. And we’ve been using cell phones since the early nineties. But these were separate functions on separate devices, each doing their own thing. You could get your company email on a Blackberry – but not your personal email, not your Gmail or AOL or whatever.

In 2008, my cell phone became so ubiquitous that I got rid of my wired phone line entirely. I now have only a cell phone my phone number is literally and truly my phone number. On the signature for my work email system, for example, I don’t even reference my company phone number – I don’t want any calls to go to it. If I could, I’d have it automatically forward to my cell phone permanently (I should note here that my company’s phone system is perfectly capable of doing this, but because of some antiquated human resources policy, only “Executives” are allowed to access this option. I assume that this is because of some conviction that allowing us worker bee types the option of forwarding our phone calls would encourage absenteeism).

In 2008, my cell phone became much more than a phone. It’s a mini computer that I carry around, that is wirelessly connected to the internet all the time. All of my email, including both work and personal accounts, mirrors on that little device. Text messages from friends and work colleagues flicker through it all day long. Calendar alerts from my company’s Exchange system chime and popup wherever I am, letting me know where I’m supposed to be next. And unlike the old Blackberries, I can make new appointments, change existing ones, you name it. I can add contacts on the fly, swapping them between work and personal at my whim.

When I get into my car, the bluetooth setup built into my Mini Cooper automatically switches my phone’s audio to the car’s stereo system. When I leave the car, it returns to the phone. I have a tiny headset that wirelessly connects to the phone that I can use at any time as well. When I’m riding my scooter, my helmet likewise has a bluetooth headset built in – even there I’m connected.

My phone is an Apple iPhone 3G, so I also have a slew of specialized applications. Great implementations of Facebook and Twitter keep me connected to anyone that’s not already connected to me via any of the work or email systems. Safari, a perfectly optimized tiny web browser, let me access any part of the internet for information at any time (well, any part of the internet that doesn’t use Flash, at least). I’ve got applications for the New York Times, as well as newsfeeds from any other source I can think of. I quite literally carry the world around in my pocket.

My phone is also a music and video player, and a game console. I have 12 gigabytes worth of music on my phone, several TV shows and maybe a movie at any given time. Right now I have about a dozen games installed as well, ranging from simple puzzles to full-on simulators and role playing games. With a set of headphones in my pocket (which also have a microphone wired in), I can plug in and listen, watch, or play anywhere and everywhere I go. And if I’m within the coverage of a WiFi network, I can buy new music, tv shows, music, or games wherever and whenever I want to.

While I’m a big fan of my iPhone, there are many other models from other manufacturers that do almost all of the same functions. The generic term right now is “Smart Phone” – which sounds dumb to me. This new kind of phone is a true personal companion, what the PDA of the 90’s were trying to become. I may occasionally leave the house without shaving, or forget my wallet, but I never leave my phone. I would feel naked and alone without it. I won’t even walk the dog unless my phone is on my person.

In short, my personal phone companion means that no question I have, at any time of the day, needs to remain unanswered. My “phone” (we either need a new word, or will have to accept that the definition is going to radically change) is part of my life now. A few days ago in the car, Frank said “I don’t know how I every got around without an iPhone before”. On one hand, that’s just a funny comment – but on the other hand, it’s true. I rely on that little device so much for so much that I really don’t know what I’d do without it.

In 2008, even the way I read and buy books has changed. With my Amazon Kindle, I can buy books anywhere, anytime, and they are instantly delivered wirelessly to my book reader. I can also buy newspapers, magazines, and blogs directly on the reader as well. So, even sitting in a comfy chair in my library, reading a book, I’m still wirelessly connected to the outside world – the Kindle even has a text-based web browser built in.

2008 was also the Year of the Netbook, tiny, cheap laptop computers that are used primarily for emailing and surfing the web. Personally, these devices aren’t for me – I tried two of them (the Asus eee PC 701 and the Acer Aspire One), and I just didn’t find them usable. Their keyboards are too tiny to type on – and I already have a tiny keyboard on my phone.

Instead, our household has a MacBook Air. Yes, it’s expensive, but for the first time, I have a full-functioning laptop computer that is so light and solid that I can carry it around and use it anywhere in the house. And, of course, with our house-wide WiFi network, the MBA (our acronym, not Apple’s) connects to all of our house network resources, as well as the internet.

And the house itself? We’ve got three AppleTVs, all of which stream content from our centralized house media server. All of which can and do buy and/or rent content wirelessly. We no longer have to rent movies from a store, or receive them in the mail – they are delivered over the net on demand, whenever and wherever in the house we want to watch them. We also have three Tivo HD boxes, which not only record anything we want to watch, but can also stream down on-demand movies from Netflix. And each of those Tivos is again connected to our house network, so we can move content around, copy it to any computer, or burn it to a disk. Using the Tivo’s remote scheduling feature, I can tell it to record any show over the internet – from my iPhone, for example.

Let’s see, what else? Oh yes, my new Blu-Ray player also has an internet connection, and with it I can access live events related to any disk I watch – such as on-the-spot director commentaries. The player also updates its own firmware over the Internet, so it’s always up to date. My Nintendo Wii does the same thing for living room gaming, updating its own software and connecting me to any online or community games I might want to play. My Garmin Nuvi can be connected to my computer to update its maps and software. My cameras, both video and still, get their firmware updated over the internet, and can push their recordings directly to my web pages or internal house servers.

Am I typical? Of course not. I work in the computer networking field, and I’ve been directly involved with the computer software industry for 25 years now. I’m well off financially, and I have a long established interest in movies, music, and books, so I have spent a lot of time and effort in assembling all of these things. But I am also not unique. Not everyone has all these kinds of technological connections, but many, many people do, and many more will in the future.

Finally, I’ll close this post talking about a different kind of connection – social connections. Spurred on by work colleagues, I reluctantly signed up for a Facebook account this year. And much to my surprise, it not only keeps me in better contact with my current friends (well, those who use it, anyway) but has allowed me to re-establish contact with old friends I had lost touch with. And this new social connection is made possible by all the other types of connections I talk about above.

I make no predictions about 2009, or about any other year, for that matter. But I am amazed, astounded, and greatly pleased at all the new ways I can and did connect to the world during 2008, and I’m sure that those connections will become even more widespread and useful as time goes on.

In a few weeks, we’ll celebrate the inauguration of our first connected President. And since I’ve been on his mailing list for a while now, I expect I’ll get an email from him on that same day. Because, you know, you can’t help but stay connected. Not these days.

Happy New Year.

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Early Voting in Florida

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Yesterday I spent 2 hours voting. Since I live in Florida, The State That Doesn’t Know How to Hold An Election, I figured I had better take advantage of the new early voting. And since Gov. Charlie Crist (who seems remarkably thoughtful for a Republican) had extended the polling hours to 7am to 7pm, I figured I could get my voting done in the afternoon, without having to take more than a few hours off from work.

For those who are wondering what it was like, or who want detailed information about exactly what is going to happen when you vote here in Florida, this post is for you. Most everyone else will find this as dull as a plastic knife on an airplane food tray.

To begin my voting odyssey, I left work at 3:30pm and drove to my local Early Voting Polling Place, the Weston Branch Library. There were about 100 people in line outside of the library. I could tell there were more people waiting inside, but no idea how many or how long the line was. I went to the back of the line and settled down to wait. It was 4:25pm when I took my place in line.

My “line-mates” were a good group of people. melyik a legjobb online fogadóiroda By a clearly understood yet unspoken social rule, we did not discuss politics. We related jokes, talked about the local schools, talked about each other’s jobs, and the like. The line moved in lurches and jumps: we quickly figured out that the poll workers were bringing people inside in groups of 20 or 30 at a time, then waiting until that group was done, and letting in the next group.

After about an hour, we were let into the library foyer, where we now queued up in a “Disney” style rope line that switched back on itself several times. A poll worker told us we would wait here, and be let inside the library itself in groups of ten. We were told to use our cell phones or whatnot now, because once inside the library proper, we had to behave as one does inside a library, and shut up.

Another half-hour and my group was inside the library proper. The line formed right next to the Mystery section. The retired flight attendant in my little group of 4 made a crack about how funny it would have been if the line formed in the political books section. bukméker stratégiák This engendered a number of additional cracks up and down the line about Hannity, Coulter, O’Reilly, and Al Franken books. But once again, everyone was careful to just mention the names – not their allegiances to any of them. We were then Shushed by a library staffer.

Two at a time, we presented our IDs and voter registration cards to a pair of workers at computers. My worker asked me to verify my address, checked it against my identification, and then printed out a receipt for me. I moved over to the right, next to an industrial-sized laser printer. I waited for another five minutes or so until my personalized ballot printed out, and the next poll worker took my receipt, checked it, and handed me my ballot. Across from me was another printer with another worker; they were doing two voters at a time, and I’d say it took the printer about one full minute to print out each four page ballot.

I examined the ballot; it was printed on thick paper stock, and looks very much like a standardized test you’d take, such as the SAT. Bar coded information was at the top and bottom; I assumed this was some sort of digitized verification that I was the owner of that ballot. This led me to wonder… since each ballot is printed out individually, and handed directly to the receipt-holder… does that mean my actual ballot can be directly linked to me? I thought balloting was supposed to be anonymous.

Then I was led to the penultimate area, where, screened off from my fellow man, I could fill out my ballot using a black pen. Fill in the ovals completely! I voted for Barack Obama for President, Debbie Wasserman Schultz as my representative, and No on all of the propositions on the ballot, including the onerous and insulting Proposition 2. It took me about five minutes to fill out the ballot in full, making sure all of my ovals were clearly filled.

I noticed that the tables we were using were the same tables that used to hold the electronic voting machines; the machines themselves were gone, and the empty holes filled with plywood. So at least the state is getting nice stands for all that money they paid for faulty electronic voting machines…

The very last step was to take my completed ballot over to another line of poll workers, and feed the ballot myself into a tray scanner. I watched the monitor on the device, feeding each page of my ballot in carefully. As it completed each page, a confirmation message appeared on screen. After all four pages were fed in, I was done.

The man running the scanner applied an “I Voted Early” sticker to my shirt, thanked me for voting, and I walked out the door at 6:30pm, 2 hours and 5 minutes after I got in line. Outside, the line was even longer than it had been when I arrived.

All told, there were about 10 poll workers inside, and another three or four outside managing the line. The process was smooth and efficient. I have no suggestions or even ideas about how they could make it go any faster.

And yet… that line has been the same length since early voting began. And this is just my local office. If we are any indication, turnout for this election is going to be absolutely record breaking. And no matter if my guy wins or not, the more people who vote, the better off we are.

I sure hope Florida doesn’t screw it up again this time. But if they do, don’t blame me – I voted early. And don’t blame the people running the polling places – because they sure seemed to be doing a pretty smooth job. And there won’t be any hanging chads, since these ballots are on paper filled out with pen.

Five more days to go. Yes we can, folks. Yes we can.

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A Dream Transcription

A few nights ago I woke up in the middle of the night, needing to use the bathroom. I was right in the middle of a somewhat bizarre and highly detailed dream. When I got back to my bed, the dream was very much on my mind. It was so bright, so vivid, so colorful. It was also very normal in a dream sense, in that people appeared and disappeared, my surroundings changed as I moved through them, and I accepted everything that was going on during the dream as very matter of fact.

So I did something I’d always wanted to do; transcribe the dream. I picked up my iPhone, and using the extremely handy Recorder application, spoke into it for the next fifteen minutes and described my dream in full, while all the details were still fresh in my mind. Over the next few days, I transcribed my recorded notes, correcting my sleepy grammar and filling in gaps as I remembered more details.

I thought it would be fun, then, to present it here. This dream, as near as I can tell, means nothing at all. But feel free to psychoanalyze it (and thus me) at will. I will say that I like eating at diners, watching movies from the 1940s, and the original Star Wars.

The Dream

I’m walking up the stairway to an elevated train platform. My friend Paul Trandahl is walking up the stairs with me, and we’re in the middle of a conversation about a movie. Just as we go through the turnstile, I say “Have you seen the latest redo of Star Wars?”

And Paul says, with kind of a snotty attitude, “Don’t you mean ‘Autumn March’?” Because we both know, apparently, that was the code name for this latest Star Wars redo so that the public wouldn’t know about it. And I say “Oh, are you gonna start calling Return of the Jedi ‘Blue Harvest’ now?” And Paul looks around and clears his throat.

The stairs have changed into an escalator while we’re talking, and I notice that two women are in front of us, who are very obviously eavesdropping on our conversation. But I keep talking anyway, and I say to Paul, “It’s supposed to be the most fantastic thing ever” .

One of the girls interrupts our conversation. Sounding exactly like Rosalind Russell in His Girl Friday, she says, “You tell me what’s the most fantastic thing ever and I’ll tell you if I agree”. Grinning, I tell her we’re talking about the latest George Lucas redo of Star Wars. “He’s added even more effects this time, and it’s a whole new soundtrack with new effects and additional music”, I say enthusiastically. She rolls her eyes and shakes her head, and gives me a look like I’ve just crawled out from under a rock.

As the escalator gets to the top, Paul is gone and instead I’m with the other girl – not the one who just spoke, but her friend. And it’s sometime in the 1940’s. Internally, I just know this, and now everyone – including the woman I’m with and her friend – have ‘40s hairdos, outfits, the whole nine yards. Even though when Paul and I started up the stairs a few seconds ago, it was very definitely present day.

I’m thinking the woman I’m with looks an awful lot like Audrey Hepburn. She opens a door leading off of the train platform, and holds it open. All three of us are staring at each other, but no one’s speaking. My female friend keeps holding the door open, giving this look like I’m supposed to know what’s going on.

Finally, I say “Well, see ya”, to the other woman, then turn to my companion and speak in a hushed voice. “Why do you keep holding the door open?” I say. For some reason, I’m very annoyed with her, and my annoyance shows in my tone of voice. “Because”, she says, in an equally annoyed tone, “this is the way that it has to be done”.

She sticks her hand out, palm up, expecting me to hand her something. And I look down, and I’m holding this really ratty, cheap looking purse. Sheepishly, I hand it to her. She takes it, opens it up, and pulls out a receipt. Then she hands the purse to her friend, and says in a very loud voice, so that everyone else on the train platform can hear, “I don’t’ want you leaving me with empty hands. This cost exactly eight dollars and sixty cents”. And she gives the other woman the receipt as well. “So, you’ll always be my friend?” she adds. The other woman nods, and leans over and gives her a little kiss.

She pulls back from the kiss, and then says brightly, “Well, let’s all go to my apartment then”. And we all walk through the door. And I’m thinking, “Why am I going along with this? I thought I was talking to Paul”, but I don’t say anything and I walk through the doorway, off the train platform. Which, by the way, is now at street level, even though it was an elevated train at the beginning.

Instantly my point of view changes, and now I’m inside a parked car, watching myself walk down the street with the two ‘40s women. All of the cars on the streets are ‘40s type cars. I’m sitting next to a hit man, and I know that he’s planning to kill the people that are walking into the apartment. I don’t know the reason, and I feel uncomfortable sitting next to him. Does he know that I’m one of the people he’s planning to kill?

A dog is in the car with us. I say, “Can we wait a bit to kill them? I really need to use the bathroom”. The hit man nods, and says “Get some litter for him while you’re out”, jabbing his thumb at the dog. I think it’s very odd to have a litter-trained dog, but I nod and get out of the car.

I walk into the apartment building. The front of it looks like a church, complete with giant arched stained-glass windows – even though the doors are normal apartment building doors. I enter the lobby, which is made out of marble. Rows and rows of apartment mailboxes are on either side of the lobby.

The mailboxes look like card catalogs in a library. Above each mailbox is a door buzzer. The names under each buzzer are printed in large, faux-Hebrew letters. They’re English, and readable, but they look like Hebrew nevertheless. There’s also a photo collage above each mailbox, showing the people who live inside. But not portraits; they’re all collections of black-and-white snapshots.

Now I’m the one who’s after the people, and there is no more car, dog that needs litter, or hit man. I’m searching the pictures, and then I find the collage of the two woman and me – so apparently I live there, even though I’m also in the lobby looking for myself. I see the apartment number – 353 – and suddenly all the buzzers that were on each mailbox are gone. I look around, and there’s a modern-style numeric keypad with an LCD screen.

I try to type in “353” on the keypad, but I make a mistake and type “3533” instead. I’m about to try it again, but the lobby has morphed into a diner – a ‘50s style diner with stools and a counter. The mailboxes are on the walls of the diner, but now they look like artwork, not functional mailboxes. So I decide I might as well get something to eat.

I take a seat at one end of the curved diner counter, and a waitress serves me a bowl of dry cereal. Across the counter, a little around the curve, I see the hit man from the car. Only now I don’t know him, just a vague feeling that I should know his name, but I don’t. He gives me a look, like “don’t you know me”?

The diner fills up very quickly. Except for me and my hit man friend, it’s all gigantic fat women. Their arm fat waddles as they keep harassing the waitress. “More sausages! More sausages!” the one next to me keeps screaming. There are now so many fat women at the counter that there is not enough room for me to eat my bowl of cereal, since I’m eating the dry cereal out of the bowl with my fingers, and I need elbow room.

The waitress motions behind me. “Honey, a table just opened up. Why don’t you and your friend eat there, and I’ll clean up after the piglets,” she says. None of the fat women hear her speaking, or if they do, they don’t seem to feel insulted. They are all gossiping with one another and eating platefuls of sausages.

My “friend” and I leave the counter to sit down at the table indicated by the waitress. It is covered with dirty dishes, and food and trash are all over the floor and the seats. We push all the dishes off the table, but instead of breaking, they simply vanish when they reach the edge of the table. And as we sit down, all the trash and food on the floor vanishes as well.

Now this guy is a good friend of mine, even though I’ve never seen him before. I have forgotten all about him being in the car earlier, with his dog and wanting to kill me and the girls. I understand now that the reason he’s here at this apartment building – which I clearly understand now has a diner as its lobby – is to break up with his girlfriend. Who I now understand is the woman from the train platform who wanted to know what was so interesting.

“Why do you want to break up with her?” I ask as I eat my cereal, which now has milk in it and I’m eating it with a spoon like normal. “It’s because of the lens in her head”, he says. “It freaks me out”. He hands me the head of a baby doll. “Her head is just like this”.

I look at the doll’s head. The back of the head has a big peephole lens, like you’d find in a front door. I look through the peephole, but all I see is black. “Oh, I forgot, I glued the eyes shut”, my friend says, and he leans over and picks at the plastic eyelids until they both swing open, in that odd way that old dolls used to do. The eyes blink out of sync with each other, but then finally stay open.

I look through the back of the doll’s head again, and now it’s like a camera viewfinder, with a crosshair and everything. I look at my friend through the doll’s head. There is an area of distortion in the middle of the lens that magnifies just one area enormously. It’s like a computer special effect or something. I center the distortion area over my friend’s right eye, so it looks like he has one giant eye and one normal size eye.

I take the doll’s head away from my eye for a moment, and my friend is nodding. “Now you understand. You see the effect.” Suddenly he looks very wistful. “I always wanted to get a picture of myself looking like that, they way the doll sees me, which is the same way, I guess, that my girlfriend sees me”. I understand instantly that his girlfriend has a lens tube running through her head, through which he can look into and see out of her right eye. And that is what freaks him out about her, and that’s why he has to break up with her.

I think how convenient it is that he has a doll’s head that is just like his girlfriend’s head. And then I notice there’s a camera button on the doll’s head as well, right on top, under its nylon blond hair. “You can have your picture, it’s a camera too!” I exclaim. I put the doll’s back up to my eye, and start snapping pictures with it.

But I can’t get it right. The head keeps moving just as I snap the button, so my friend’s eye is never centered in the right way to cause the distortion effect. Instead, it gives him big lips, a big nose, a big lock of hair, but never the big eye effect again.

He looks exasperated. “I’ll get it right in a second”, I say, and I peer into the doll’s head to see if maybe there’s another adjustment I needed to make.

And that was when I woke up, and the dream ended.

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In Defense of Elitism

This being political season and all, I hear a lot these days about “elites” and “elitism”. Apparently, to the media and to the majority of the American public, being “elite” is a bad thing.

That’s not how I was brought up to think.

My whole life, to be “elite” was something to strive for. On both sides of my family, every single person wanted to be a member of the elite. My father is one of five children, all born in the 1930’s and 1940’s. Every one of those five children went to college. 3 of them served as officers in the military. All of them learned to speak at least one additional language. And they were raised by a single mother in a very small house, who lived only on social security and what she made baby sitting.

On my mother’s side, both of her parents were college educated – in fact, my grandparents dated in college. My grandfather was a teacher, and later, the superintendent of the local high school. sportfogadas stratégiák My mother is one of 4 children – all of whom also went to college. 3 of the 4 majored in music (my mother, a nursing major, was the only exception).

I grew up as a military brat. But as you can probably guess from the background outlined in the previous two paragraphs, the value of learning was instilled into me at an early age. I watched only a little television as a child; instead, I was read to. I didn’t get to watch TV on my own until long after I learned how to read.

In my family, the pursuit of education and knowledge in general was considered a prime pursuit of life. My parents valued academics above sports (this was made easy since, with the exception of my brother for a few years, we all sucked at sports). Grades were important. Knowledge was important. Reading was important. My parents were members of several book clubs, and we passed books around all the time. By the time I was twelve years old, I was reading the same books my parents did.

My sister and I have had a gentle rivalry over the years: who can get the most degrees? I have a bachelor’s and an MBA. She has a bachelor’s and a M.S. But she keeps threatening to go back and get a doctorate. My mother returned to college at the age of 50, to finish two years later with another bachelors’ degree. My father got an MBA and a Masters in Petroleum Engineering at the same time, while I was in the second and third grade.

And we were not – and are not – “rich”. In my direct family, I’ve probably gotten the closest to that status, but even my double-income-no-kids household is only upper middle class at best. mobile gaminator At times during my childhood, living on my parent’s Army income… well, we were never poor…. but when we got our first color television in 1972? That was quite an event. The entire family went down to Sears to pick it up.

When I got into Northwestern, my parents were proud – but very concerned about how in the world they were going to pay for it. So, I worked three jobs throughout college and maxed out on my student loans. All of which I paid back in full, by the way. tippmix mobil eredmények I never gave a thought to not going; that was simply not an option.

Look up at the quote in the header of this web site. Consider that I am writing this post on a chair in the middle of my personal 3,000 volume library. You can see where all of this led. To a lifetime of pursuing knowledge, a fascination with the written word, an avid interest in history and science.

In short: Elitism.

My parents left the small town they grew up in and swore they would never return to it. And except for visits, they never did. I lived in two small towns for periods while I was growing up: four months in Giddings, Texas, and 3 years in Hodgenville, Kentucky. I swore I would never live in a small town ever again. And I never have.

Elitism. Yet again.

So let me state for the record: I do not have “small town” values. In fact, I reject them. Heartily. And enthusiastically. I can’t stand “small town values”. In my experience, most people in small towns are provincial know-nothings who would like nothing better than to drag everyone else down to their level.

Who do I respect? Who do I look up to? People who are smarter than me. People who are more educated than I am. People who know more than I do. People who are experts. People who have a burning passion to learn everything they can about whatever subject it is that drives them.

Elites.

I try as hard as I can, to this very day, to expand my vocabulary, my knowledge, my experience. And I know that as long as I live, I will never be able to read all the books I want to read. I’ll never have enough time to absorb and learn all the things I want to learn. I’ll never be able to go back to college enough times to earn as many degrees as I want.

I want to be a scientist, an author, and a teacher. I want to become a fan of the opera. I want to hear classical music live at least once a week. I want to travel the world and visit art museums and historical places.

I want to be elite. I want to be better than I am. I want to be the best that I possibly can be, and then try to be better still.

Every time I hear some talking head on TV say “elitist” with disdain, my stomach churns with anger (and by the way, doesn’t anyone who is a talking head on TV qualify as “elite” themselves?). Why are we teaching the public and the next generations that to be “elite” is a bad thing? I want some politician to stand up and say, “You’re damn right I’m elite. Isn’t that what you want in a leader?”

Elites! Stand up and be counted. Let the whole world know you’re better than you were, and you want everyone else to be better than you are. Because that, after all, is what “elitism” should really mean.

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The Soothing Sound of Rain

fay_front_01 Thanks to Hurricane / Tropical Storm / Tropical Depression Fay, we have now had six days of almost continuous, non-stop rain. Our swimming pool has been level with the back patio for four days now, and water flows out of it and down into the canal behind our house. Today, for the first time, we actually had flooding inside our house – thankfully, only in a small section of the house, and only about half an inch of water.

Everything is wet and muddy, and the outside smells extremely swampy. Of course, living right on the edge of the Everglades, one could make the very sensible argument that that is what it should smell like around here. Regardless, it’s still a unusual smell. The Everglades is actually a slow moving river, not a true “swamp”, and it usually does not smell like this.

fay_pool_01

Mosquitoes, gnats, dragonflies and “no see ums” are out in force. Just walking my dog for a few minutes results in over a dozen itchy bites. The sidewalks are becoming slippery with moss and algae. I haven’t been able to ride my scooter for a week now; the constant downpour just makes it too unpleasant (not to mention dangerous) to ride around on two wheels.

And yet… despite all that… I spent at least an hour today just gazing outside at the falling rain, and then lying down on the couch in the semi-darkness, just listening to the sound of the rain pounding outside. An occasional friendly rumble of thunder punctuated the sound. The almost spiritual sense of well being was all encompassing. I napped for a few minutes, the gentlest slumber I’ve had in weeks.

The sound of rain has always soothed me, and from conversations, I know I’m not the only one. Why is that? What is it about the sound of rain outside that seems to elicit an almost primeval sense of well being?

I have a theory.

We are, after all, savannah apes. Our ancestral cousins may have owned the forests, but our branch moved out into the open grasslands. Over thousands of generations, we evolved an upright gait, lost most of our body hair, developed legs and feet suited for running, a protruding nose, and many other subtle modifications that suited us for living out in the wide open plains.

This is why, I believe, that the sight and sounds of a meadow or an open field are instantly soothing. Such experiences reach deep into our subconscious, and trigger the part of our brain that reacts instinctively. We like open spaces, places we can run through, places we can see from horizon to horizon. And how does this relate to the sound of rain?

Think about it. Living out on the open savannah, rain would be miserable. No trees to shelter us from the rain. bbc ivermectin No coat of fur to keep the rain off our bare skin. We’d get soaking wet and chilled to the bone. Children and the elderly would become sick. ivermectina concentracion So, of course, we found (or built) shelter. And inside that shelter, we felt safe. We had defeated the rain. And secure inside our shelters, we looked out onto the rainy savannah and felt a great satisfaction.

Millions of years later, that deep sense of satisfaction at having shelter from the rain is so ingrained that it is no longer conscious. ivermectin for dairy cows We instinctively feel comforted by the sound of rain falling outside, without even knowing why. The savannah ape hid under a rock shelf and grinned his monkey grin at the thwarted elements. The 21st century concrete ape has long since forgotten why, but deep down inside, we still feel that sense of all-pervading satisfaction.

So the next time it rains, I’m going to curl up on my couch, listen to the wonderful sound of falling water, and embrace the ancient ape inside. I seek shelter from the storm, and I am comforted mightily by it.

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My Uncle Roy

Roy John Henderson. February 3, 1945 – May 15, 2008.

View a web gallery of my photos of Uncle Roy.

This past Monday (May 19th, 2008), I attended my Uncle Roy’s funeral and wake. I was in Houston, Texas for business all that week, and I heard of Roy’s death the day before I left. Since Roy lived with his family in Austin, there was no question that I would attend. I told my boss that I would need to take a day off during the trade show, and made sure that I had a rental car. Early Monday morning, I left my hotel and drove to Austin.

Roy had been diagnosed with cancer only a month earlier, but it had turned out to be a type of cancer that could not be helped by surgery, and was resistant to chemotherapy. I never asked exactly what kind of cancer it was; it didn’t really matter anyway.

My parents had flown in to Austin the night before, and were staying with my Aunt Hazel. My father was Roy’s brother; Hazel, along with my other aunts Iris and Ruthie, were his sisters. I drove to Hazel’s apartment, and met my parents there. Together, the four of us then drove over to Roy’s house. We were met by his wife, Regina, and the day began.

Roy’s funeral and wake were unique to me, in that Roy knew he was dying, he had his wits about him all the way until the end, and he had made specific wishes and requests for his closing ceremonies. Every other funeral I have ever attended, the death was sudden and unexpected, and/or at the end of a very long life after a long and slow decline.

Roy was a very joyful man, a guy with a happy marriage and three wonderful kids, so it was no surprise that he had asked that his goodbye consist of a respectful church ceremony… followed by an all-out New Orleans-style wake with singing and dancing.

The church portion of the service was normal, I suppose. I could not understand the Pastor Emeritus’ sermon, which seemed to be a jumble of unrelated bible verses, but other than that, a fine and standard Lutheran ceremony. The wake afterwards, however, was a true Henderson-style shindig.

I have to admit that I don’t know Roy’s children – my cousins Ira, Reed, and Tamara – very well. They were born and came into the family after I had already left for college, so they were not a part of my growing-up relative visits. I’ve seen them only sporadically over the years, and I doubt they know me well either – except possibly from what they’ve heard from other people. But I do know they take after their father, and I do know that they had a lot to do with putting together this party.

A five-piece brass band, a tap dancer, a open bar, a huge spread of food, and every friend and relative were there in Roy and Regina’s beautiful old Austin back yard. When I arrived, the band was playing “Ob La Di, Ob La Da”. I stayed as long as I could, knowing that I had to drive back to Houston that same night. I left after a long congo line and napkin-wave following the band to “When The Saints Come Marching In”.

During the wake, Regina asked for anyone who had funny stories about Roy to step up and tell them – they had set up a video camera for that purpose. This seemed to be run by my cousin Ira (Roy’s oldest son), although that might not have been true in actuality. However, my mind was not in the right place then and there, and I was fretting about the long drive still ahead of me. And I felt somewhat embarrassed about speaking directly into a camera, in front of a lot of people I’d never met, and a whole generation of cousins and second cousins whom I barely know.

So on my drive back to Houston that evening, while whistling “When The Saints Come Marching In”, I thought of Roy. I tried to think of all the occasions I had met him over the previous 46 years, and what my impressions were. In my mind, Roy was always a larger, younger version of my father, with a big mustache and a huge laugh. As a child, whenever his name was mentioned, that’s what I immediately pictured: a laughing mustache.

Now, all the men on my Dad’s side of the family (and I am no exception) are known for our very hearty, very loud laughter. Even among a clan of loud laughers, however, Roy stood out as laughing the loudest. Even now, writing this just a little over a week after his far-too-early death, I can hear his laugh in my head. I cannot for the life of me remember all the jokes, nor all the reasons for all the laughing, but the laugh itself, I’ll never forget that.

As I grew older, I knew more about Roy. I knew he was my Dad’s little brother. I knew that when my grandfather died in 1950, my father was 10 years old,and Roy was only four. I know that Roy had little to no memory of his actual father, and I know that for at least a number of years, he looked up to my father as his surrogate, him being the only other male in a house full of women.

I knew that Roy was a lawyer, although I never did know exactly what kind of law he practiced. I knew he spoke spanish. I heard at least four different explanations for this during his lifetime:

  1. He learned the language in order to get back at some people who had cheated him in a business deal, or:
  2. He learned it because many of his clients spoke only Spanish and he had to communicate with them, or:
  3. He learned it because he was planning on getting into politics and you need to speak Spanish to win the vote in Texas, or:
  4. He learned it to impress his future wife Regina, who is of Cuban descent, and to impress her parents.

During the wake, however, my father told me that none of those were true: in actuality, Roy simply had a gift for languages, and knew at least four fluently by the time he graduated college. Spanish just happened to be one of them. He also told me that Roy had spent a year learning Vietnamese during his stint in the Marine Corps. I felt very odd hearing him tell me this, realizing that I had not known any of those facts about Roy during his life – only after his death.

But here are things I do remember.

In 1974, when I was twelve, I spent a day and night with Roy in whatever place he was living at the time (this was before he met and married Regina). I can’t remember why I was there; I guess my parents had dropped me off for some reason. We were about to move to Germany, to live there for the next three years, so we were going around and visiting all of my relatives before we left the country. I guess it was Roy’s turn that day. The odd thing is, it was just me – neither my brother or sister were there. I guess they were catching up with other relatives at the same time.

We spent a nice day together, walking around Austin, talking about not much, enjoying the weather. I think he was married to his first wife Nancy at the time, but she either wasn’t around or I just don’t remember her presence. They had no children, so perhaps Roy just enjoyed walking around with a pseudo-son for the day.

That evening, I was looking for something to read, and going through Roy’s shelves. There were a lot of “lawyer” books, and the novels all seemed way over my head and/or uninteresting to boot. However, there was one slim paperback… “Star Trek III” by James Blish, a collection of novelized episodes from the TV series. “Hey, you’ll probably like that”, Roy said, and handed it to me. I had never seen the TV show – it was too “grown up” for me, I was into “Lost in Space” – but the cover painting looked cool.

I stayed up too late reading that book, meeting Captain Kirk and Mister Spock for the first time and thrilling to their adventures, but was not able to finish it. The next morning, when it was time to go, I put the book back on Roy’s shelf. He pulled it back out, and flipped through it. “Did you finish it?” he asked. “No”, I said. “Well, then, you have to finish it on the plane and tell me what you think”, he said, and handed me back the book. I gave him a hug, and left with my parents.

Now, I don’t know why Roy had the one single Star Trek book on his shelf. I don’t know if he was a fan of the show, or if it was a gift, or if someone else had left it at his house, or what. And in all likelihood he didn’t think anything of giving a gaudy paperback TV tie-in book to his somewhat (!) nerdy twelve-year old nephew. But it meant a great deal to me at the time.

Later, while living in Germany, the american TV network that we got on the army base (“American Forces Radio / Television Service -AFRTS – proudly presents…”) began to air “Star Trek”, and I watched every episode. And I got a special thrill when they would air episodes that had been novelized in “Star Trek III”, and I would think of Uncle Roy. And as the years went by, and Star Trek went through all its various other incarnations and versions, I would always, for a split second, get a picture of a smiling Uncle Roy whenever I saw them.

How strange, the way the human mind works. Even now, when I see a promo of William Shatner for “Boston Legal”, Roy’s face briefly flashes through my mind.

Years later, while I was in college and the rest of my family was in Korea, I again stayed with Roy. This time it was with his wife Regina and their two small boys, Ira and Reed, along with 10-year-old (ish) daughter Tamara. (Tamara is actually Roy’s stepdaughter from Regina’s first marriage, but he always called her “my daughter” and she always says “my father”, so…). Now, at the time, I was a starving college student. For reasons that have long since vanished from my mind, Roy had a painting of mine that I had done a few years earlier, a still life of a fruit bowl (I think – I haven’t seen it in about 25 years and I don’t really recall exactly what the subject was). After dinner, he said, “You know, I never got around to paying you for that painting”.

Like I said, I don’t actually remember how Roy ended up with the painting – I have a vague recollection of him complementing it while visiting us, or maybe I brought it with me during a visit for some reason – but although there might have been some joking about “buying” it, I never really expected any money for the thing. But Roy insisted, and paid my $25.00 on the spot. He said it was an investment, a real bargain, and maybe someday he’s be able to sell it for much more, once I was famous.

I was 19 or 20 years old by this time, and I certainly knew bullshit when I heard it. He knew and I knew he was giving me some money to help out with school, but I was extremely grateful and took the cash. And I spent the night on a full stomach of Regina’s cooking as well.

Some years later, back at their house, I was very surprised to see the same painting, now framed, actually hanging on the wall. Now, I don’t know if since Roy knew I was coming, he frantically dug up the painting and hung it before I got there or not, but it was very nice seeing it there. And even though by this time I was not as poor as I had been, Roy repeated that it had been a bargain.

Roy was a great person to tell a story to. Also during this college time, and while Ira was a bouncing baby, I had a stress-filled flight home after Christmas vacation in Korea. I had to get back to Chicago by flying “‘space available” – army slang for hitching a ride along a plane that happens to be going where you want to go – and spent nearly a week attempting to do so. The full details are way too long and complicated to go into right now (maybe for a future post), but after the fact, it sure made for a good story.

When I told it to Roy, during a family gathering at my Aunt Ruthie and Uncle Carey’s house in Giddings, Texas, I thought Roy was going to die laughing. He laughed so hard he turned beet red, which of course encouraged me to pile on the details of my journey. “Oh, God, you have to stop, I can’t breath”, he shouted out between bolts of laughter. For years afterwards, whenever I would see him, he would demand to hear the story again. Surprisingly, he remembered details from my earlier telling that I myself had forgotten!

Over the last 10 to 15 years, I saw very little of Roy, only during the odd occasion when I managed to get to Austin. I remember meeting his sons Ira and Reed about 10 years ago for what seemed like the first time, since they were now grown – and the last time I remember seeing them, they were toddlers. It became apparent around that time that our families had something else in common, since Tamara turned out to be gay, just like me. (Well, not “just” like me… I mean, she’s a woman, and I’m a man, and… oh, never mind).

The last time I saw Roy was just after Thanksgiving of 2004, when his mother (my grandmother) Theresa Henderson had just died. I remember that Roy wasn’t feeling well, that something was wrong with his kidneys or liver or stomach or something, and he was looking a bit worn. And of course his mother had just died. But despite all that, he said, “So, Jonathan… what funny things have happened to you lately”? and drug some stories out of me. I remember that he asked me to tell him again about the time I got arrested on suspicion of making an attempt to assassinate Deng Xiaoping (yes, that actually happened – another future post), and I once again told him the story of that night in 1979.

Austin will never laugh as long or as hard now that Roy Henderson is no longer there to encourage it. But he does leave behind one of the absolute nicest families I’ve ever known. Regina, Ira, Reed (and Jade), Tamara (and Rachel), my heart goes out to all of you. My Uncle Roy will be missed. But he will never, ever be forgotten.

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The 50th Post: Observations on Blogging

According to Ecto, my favorite blogging application, this is my 50th post since starting this blog almost exactly two years ago. By the standards of popular blogs, that’s pretty pathetic, and barely counts as being a “blog” at all. By my own standards, set inside my head when I started this web site, it’s also pathetic. I assumed that I would post at the very least once a week, and probably more likely two or three times a week. I assumed that I would have about 100 posts a year.

I also figured that I would make a little extra money from advertising. In fact, I have made a total of zero dollars and zero cents. This is due to two factors: One, almost no one reads this blog – other than a few friends and family, I get only a few hundred hits every month. ivexterm prospecto And two, I don’t really put any advertising on this site – the only ads are hidden ones, links within my various reviews. quanox dosis gotas I signed up for the “Amazon Associates” program, and have been meticulous about linking every single mentioned product to a matching page on Amazon. I also download and link images for each previewed product. The total result from two years of doing this? 2 clicks and 0 purchases.

So, if I were to go by metrics alone, then this blog has been a miserable failure and I should give it up immediately: I don’t post very often, no one reads it and it costs me money. But of course I’m going to keep right on writing here, because this is not about either fame nor fortune. customer forums on ivermectin for mange Instead, this is really about narcissism. I like doing this. I like writing here. I like reviewing things. I like seeing my words up there on the big screen. I even like updating my photo every six months or so.

I purchased the domain “jonathanhenderson.com” almost ten years ago now. I had originally wanted “jonhenderson.com“, but a musican by the same name already owned it. I also wanted “jonathanian.com”, as I had always wanted to have a website called “The Jonathanian” – like “The Bostonian” or “The Washingtonian”. However, it turns out there’s a musician whose name is actually “Jonathan Ian“, and he owns that site. Apparently a lot of musicians share my name. So, “jonathanhenderson.com” was what I ended up with.

For years, I just paid to renew the domain name and never did anything with it. I had vague ideas about starting up some sort of reviewing site, but never had the time or the inclination to really do anything about it. In January of 2000, I made a point to stop using “Jon” and always use “Jonathan” for all new contacts I made. Since I took a new job within weeks of that new year, it was easy to do. I had already been going by “Jonathan” at grad school for several years by then (too many “Johns” in the classrooms), and it seemed a natural thing to do. Now, eight years later, only my old friends from Los Angeles – and of course my partner Frank – still call me “Jon” anymore.

So, “jonathanhenderson.com” seemed more real to me as the years went on. In 2004, I finally leased server space with 1and1.com, and moved the domain there. Still, I didn’t do anything with it other than put a few family pictures up there. Early in 2005, I used the domain to host a mini-site about the construction of our swimming pool, including blueprints, photos, and a time-lapse video of the pool itself being built. As of this writing, that site still exists under the “PoolCam” heading in the upper right of this site.

And finally, in 2006, I decided to give blogging a try. My very first post was a short article about how to get MP3s onto the Motorola SLVR cell phone. I posted it as a reply on a few Motorola forums, and got a few responses.

About a month later, I bought a real copy of Movable Type 3.2, installed it on my LInux server, and set about making this site in more or less what it is today. I tried out some of the hosted services for one or two posts, and just didn’t like them. I’m too much of a technology control freak, I guess, to use a completely hosted service. I like to be able to get my hands dirty in HTML whenever I feel like it.

My goal with this site was to review every book I read, every movie I saw, and every TV show of note that I watched. In addition, I would chime in with political views and personal anecdotes when I felt like it. I figured I would write an “article” here every other day or so.

Now, to put this in perspective: I read, on average, two to three books a week. If the only thing I did was just review every book I read, that alone would be three posts a week. Obviously, I’ve never come even close to that. I also usually watch three or four movies a week – many that I’ve seen before, of course, but that wasn’t supposed to count for the purposes of this blog. So there’s another four posts. And then I watch three or four television shows regularly every week (more when American Idol is on the air three times a week, like it is now). Another three posts. Now we’re up to a grand total of 11 or 12 posts a week, and that doesn’t count any “thoughts” I might have. Let’s round it up to 15.

So, I would need to post 15 times a week to this blog (on average) if I were to keep up with my original goal. And let’s add one last note to this. A quick perusal of my blog, and anyone can clearly see that the vast majority of all my posts occur at around 1 or 2am in the morning. That, of course, is because I work full-time, and I write all of these entries late at night. To keep up to my hypothetical schedule, I’d need to stay up until 3 or 4 in the morning, every day of the week.

Ain’t gonna happen.

Instead, I will continue to post here when I feel like it, about whatever I feel like. As time goes on and I get better at this, perhaps my output will increase. Or perhaps it won’t. But whichever way, I’ll have achieved the real goal of this blog: to enjoy myself and to hone my writing skills.

Over the past two years, there have been some posts that I’ve really liked, and a few that I don’t. The worst entry I’ve written yet has to be “Things I Don’t Understand About Getting Old“. Reading it now makes me cringe. I’m not sure what the hell I was trying for with that one; I think I was trying to write a “humor column”, but man did it not work. Honestly, it doesn’t even sound like me when I read it now.

My favorites have been the few personal anecdotes here and there. I very much liked my story about my failed night dive, “An Underwater Scare“. I got lots of comments when I got picked up on Andrew Sullivan’s site one day in regards to my ferrets, which led to “The Wacky Florida Ferret Freak“, another of my better efforts, I think.

And I’ve enjoyed the reviews. Those are why I started this blog in the first place, and what the majority of my posts are all about. Since I work in the technology field, I have an urge to write more gadget and tech reviews, but every time I start one, I seem to find a better one has already been written somewhere else. And there are lots of movie and TV reviews out there as well. So, I will try to concentrate more on reviewing books.

What have I discovered about myself in keeping this blog? Mainly that I’m a lot more conceited and opinionated than I thought I was. Reading back through these posts, I think I sound much more snobby than I ever imagine myself to be in real life. I seem to talk way too much about cars I have or used to have, material possessions I have or want, etc. I also sound a lot more cynical in writing than I am in real life – or at least, I think I do.

And enough. It’s well past midnight again, and the MacBook Pro has got less than 50% battery left. So let me end this by promising to post more often, but not to the level that makes me insane. And to review more books, but not everything I read. And to comment more on technology, but try to bring something new beyond a “me, too” review. And… maybe to try not to sound so damn smug all the time.

And above all, practice my motto: Embrace Change, Question Authority and Think for Yourself!

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Technology Thoughts and Comments

Goodbye Mini, Hello Hybrid

Sadly, I am shallow enough to define myself by my possessions. I love reading and books, so I have amassed a reasonably large library (currently a little over 3,000 volumes) that includes a fair number of first editions, limited print runs, and leather-bound collector’s copies. I love watching movies and television, so I built myself a home theater complete with projector and surround system. I love to swim, so I had a swimming pool built in my back yard. tippmix kalkulátor I own dozens of t-shirts with pithy sayings on them like “Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway”. And until yesterday, I drove a custom-built Mini Cooper to show the world my sense of style.

I loved that car. For 44,000 miles I drove all over Florida in a tiny English/German automobile, racking up a fair number of speeding tickets in the process. Despite its looks, the Mini is really a sort of sports car – its tight handling and powerful engine make it the ultimate car for cornering at high speeds. I identified with the car so much that I kept a scale model of it, in the exact same colors as the real one, on top of my desk at work. I had every intention of driving that car into the pavement. I figured that, years from now, when the engine finally gave out, I would convert it to an electric car and still have something fun to show off.

So why am I talking about it in the past tense? Because yesterday I traded in my lovely Hyper Blue Mini Cooper S for a dark blue 2008 Honda Civic Hybrid. I do like this new car – it’s comfortable and hi-tech in a way that no car I’ve ever owned has been. Its styling is sleek and modern. But even I have to admit that, compared to the Mini, it is somewhat on the plain side.

I got the Honda Civic Hybrid (that’s “HCH” to aficionados, I am told) mainly because I’m redefining myself a bit, at least in terms of how I drive and how I want to present myself to the world when I’m driving. After I got out of my sixth speeding ticket earlier this year, I realized that my driving habits had gotten out of hand. Although I’ve never been in an accident with the Mini, there is no denying that I always drove way over the speed limit, and I often set the cruise control at 85, even 90 miles an hour. What little fuel efficiencies the Mini might offer were never realized thanks to the way I drove it.

About two weeks ago, I started trying to drive more reasonably. As I got control of my constant speeding, I tried to pay more attention to conserving fuel. After all, good friends of mine are risking their lives over in Iraq to keep the price of gasoline low – I certainly owe it to them to burn as little of that blood money as I possibly can. I found that although I could definitely get more miles to the gallon, the Mini is just not a very good vehicle to maximize fuel consumption. It’s just a little too revved-up, and it’s not very aerodynamic.

So I began thinking about getting a new car. And with a week off for the Christmas / New Year’s holidays, Frank and I starting making the rounds of the car dealers. I drove Toyota’s Prius and Camry. I tried Volkswagen’s Beetle and Rabbit. And then I got to Honda, and tried the Civic Hybrid.

The Civic Hybrid was the only one that made me feel completely comfortable, both physically and mentally. Physically, it’s a extremely nice sedan, with comfortable seats, sleek styling, and just about the best instrument panel I’ve seen. The “mental” part comes from being able to easily and clearly monitor my miles per gallon, and the somewhat smug joy that comes from driving a hybrid (and yes, I have seen that episode of South Park).

I was told there was a waiting list. I was told I’d have to order that actual car way in advance. I was told that most people wait six weeks to 3 months to take possession of theirs. But when I said I didn’t need any financing, thank you, I’ll just pay cash along with my trade-in, I was told “So do you want to drive this one home today, then”? Apparently cash in hand trumps a waiting list. online nyerőgépes játékok ingyen

I don’t love this new car the way I loved my Mini – at least not yet – but I sure do like driving it. I love getting 41 miles to the gallon (and that should go up to 45 to 50 once the car is broken in, according to the many posts I have read from other owners). egy kínai bukméker meggyilkolása teljes film And it’s almost creepy to sit at a stop light in total silence, and then have the car roll forward with just a touch on the accelerator, still in perfect silence.

I suppose that in a sense, I’ve traded in style for technology. But in another sense, I think this is just another step on my journey towards merging my morals and politics with my actions and spending. Almost two years ago, we added solar water heating to our house, in what we hoped would be the first step towards reducing our total fuel consumption. Now I’m driving a hybrid car.

Huh. I guess I’m still defining myself by my possessions. I’m just working on some new definitions.

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Observations from London

This week I returned from a quick business trip to London, England. This was my first time traveling across the Atlantic since “the events of September the 11th”, as the politicians like to say, and it was educational to see how much international travel has changed since the last time I traveled extensively overseas during the late 90’s. I also found it very interesting to see how the British people view Americans and the United States in this still-relatively-new century we’re living in.

In no particular order, then…

Don’t Fly Coach Across Oceans. Coach (also called “Economy”) seats just don’t cut it when you’ve got to sit in one for eight or nine hours. My company has a policy that if a particular leg of your flight is 12 hours or more, then you’re allowed to purchase the next higher class of ticket. But from Miami to London is only nine hours – so it didn’t qualify. At the time I booked the ticket, I didn’t think that much of it. Sure, I like First Class air travel as much as the next guy, but I travel in coach all the time, so what? I had forgotten how long nine hours can be when you can’t lie down, walk, or even turn around when you want to.

I also discovered that my old trick of getting the emergency exit row seat doesn’t work out very well on some of these fancy planes. This was a British Airways 747-400, and as it turns out, the emergency exit seats were much narrower than the normal seats – mainly because, since there was no seat in front of them, the whole personal video screen mechanism is built into the armrest. This also means that you cannot swing up the armrest. It also means that the entire seat is one solid metal block, with no spaces or gaps that you can stick your knees through. بنك payeer مصر It was, in fact, the most uncomfortable seat I have ever had on an airplane – and I am counting the time I flew in the rear cargo area of an Army C-41 transport plane.

The next time, even if I have to pay the difference out of my own pocket, I’ll travel in at least Premium or Business or whatever the airline in question happens to call it.

Beware Of Fat People On Planes. Now, when I say “fat”, I really mean “wide”. I’m not talking about somebody with a big stomach. I’m talking a large, wide person. On my return flight, having learned the lesson of the bad emergency exit row seats, I got a seat in the rear of the plane on the aisle (row 51). I got the aisle seat…. and then Jumbo the Elephant took the seat next to me.

Jumbo was a very large woman of unknown nationality – no one could communicate with her, nor she with them. She was decked out in red and gold, in a sort of combination mumu meets paintsuit type of outfit. It had gold tassels hanging off the sleeves as well.

When Jumbo took the window seat next to me, she was so large that she could not really put her arms down. Her stomach held the tray table in place. And she somehow just sort of oozed over into my seat. There was no question of me having any of the shared armrest. Since she spoke no English (nor French, Spanish, German, Chinese, or Norwegian – the crew tried all of these) there was no way I could think of to communicate with her that I was finding it hard to breath.

As soon as we took off, I found an empty middle seat in the second to the last row. And even though a little girl kept kicking the back of my seat nonstop for the entire flight, it was a pleasure compared to the seat I had just escaped.

Incidentally, when I vacated my initial seat, the woman gave a huge sigh of relief and immediately expanded to take up the entire row. There was actually a popping sound as she swung up the armrest to allow her ample girth to occupy its normal volume.

British Food Really Is Terrible. The last time I traveled in the UK, I was with my old boss Elmer Easton, who is a very well traveled food connoisseur. Luckily for me, he made reservations weeks in advance at restaurants that either he had dined at before, or knew from his contacts served excellent food. These places were often hidden and catered only to a select few. In the years that I worked for Elmer, I got spoiled, thinking fine food was relatively easy to come by. I could not have been more wrong.

Despite my best efforts – and on one evening, even when accompanied by a colleague who used to be a professional chef – I did not have one good meal during the four days I was there. And I tried. I ate at a supposedly well reviewed Greek restaurant (which had the most unusual decor of any place I’ve ever eaten at – check out their website if you don’t believe me), a true steakhouse, and a named chef’s restaurant. All of them served bland, overcooked food. Even my breakfasts were bad. I had to sprinkle pepper liberally on everything just to add some taste.

Even Starbuck’s and the local sandwich shop seemed to have misplaced their shipment of spices. Everything I ate just tasted… I don’t know, boiled. No wonder it was Spain that set out to find a way to get spices from India quicker – the British obviously didn’t care.

Somehow, I’ll have to master the trick of finding all those hidden places that Elmer always knew about. I now understand why they were so carefully guarded… believe me, you’d hide them too if you knew the secret of finding good food in England.

The Dollar Has Gone To Hell
. Yes, I knew this intellectually from watching the news, but it’s another thing to experience it in person. Last week, the exchange rate was $2.10 to one British pound. That means, to figure out what something cost in dollars, double it and then throw in a few more dollars. So, my 80 pound taxi ride from the airport was 8. كم سن كريستيانو رونالدو 00. And so on. It’s almost unbelievable how expensive everything is for us Yanks. قوانين لعبة الروليت

And for the British, it’s the reverse. They cannot believe how cheap everything is in America. Several people I spoke to talked about how it was cheaper to buy British products in the United States than it was to buy them right where they were made. I’m sure that somehow the cost of fuel is tied up in this….

We Don’t Know How Good We’ve Got It. My favorite comment of the entire trip came during a taxi drive. Monday morning, I got into a good ‘ol London black cab to go from my hotel to the company I was visiting. During the drive, I began chatting up the taxi driver, who, as it turned out, had vacationed quite a bit in the United States. I asked him what the British people thought about us Yanks in this, The Age of Bush. He said that they didn’t hold it against us, since everyone knows how politicians lie and screw over everyone regardless.

And then, he gave me the winning comments:

“The only thing I don’t like about you Americans is – you don’t know how good you’ve got it.”. As we waited at a stop light, he turned around to me for emphasis. “You have the cheapest gas in the western world, and yet you complain when the price goes up by a few cents. Your grocery stores have every kind of food imaginable, and yet you complain about not having the right kind of nutrition and that your kids are getting too fat. You have the oldest fully functional democracy on the planet, and you gripe and bitch about how your leaders don’t listen to you. And while the rest of the world has been putting up with terrorists for 50 years, you folks get hit once – one time – and you completely loose it and go apeshit.”

He turned around as the light changed. “I’m telling you, you just don’t know how good you got it. I’d give anything to live in America.”

And that’s the thought I returned with, back to the United States of America. So, at least for the moment – I do, in fact, know exactly how good I’ve got it.

It’s great to be home.

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A Wrenching Tale at The Home Depot

I know we live in a technological age. But sometimes…

Earlier this afternoon I was putting together a stand for the patio. During the process, I discovered that for some reason, the bolts used in this stand were metric. Now, personally, I’m fine with the metric system. I wish we had switched over to it during the ’80s like we were supposed to, before Reagan became president and decided that the metric system was Un-American and For Commies Only. But we didn’t. And therefore, I don’t have any metric wrenches. ingyenes online nyerőgépes játékok

So, because I did not want this half-finished stand lying in the garage, I drove over to The Home Depot (I learned several years ago, when working on a branded web site for them, that the company name must always be referred to as “The Home Depot” and never as just “Home Depot”) to get a 10mm wrench. As I scanned the tool aisles at The Home Depot, I discovered something interesting… a single Husky Pro 10mm wrench was $22.99, but an entire set of 10 metric wrenches was $44.99 – less than the cost for two of them. Well, Cynthia Henderson didn’t raise no dummies, so I decided right on the spot to get a set of 10 metric wrenches, so that if I ever encountered a metric problem again, I would be all set.

I paid for the wrenches with my debit card, and drove back home to finish putting together my patio stand. No problem, right?

Except that when I got home and opened the package, I discovered that one wrench was missing… and of course, you guessed it, it was the 10mm wrench which was the only one I actually needed in the first place. So, making sure I had the receipt, I drove all the way back to The Home Depot, and stood in line to exchange my set of wrenches for one with all 10 in the box.

The return cashier seemed flummoxed by my explanation. “There were only nine?” he said, staring at the package. “Yes,” I replied, indicated the empty slot for the missing 10mm tool. “Uh, I have to call somebody”, he said. He then muttered into the phone, cupping his hand over the mouthpiece so that I could not hear what he was saying.

I tried to put myself in his place. I imagined that, perhaps, a mob of wrench thieves was running amuck. These fiendish ruffians would purchase a package of wrenches, remove a single wrench from the package while cackling with glee, and then return the package to get their cash back. What a horrible plot!

Not wanting to have The Home Depot suspect me of being a tool thief, I spoke up again. “You know, I just want to exchange it for exactly the same thing”, I interjected. “I just want the missing wrench, and as you can see, I bought this less than an hour ago”. I waved the receipt to emphasize my point, hoping he would notice the time stamp.

He finished muttering into the phone, looked me up and down, and decided that apparently I was not a member of the Wrench Ripoff Ring. “Well… I have to give you a refund”, he said.

“That’s not necessary, I just want to make a straight exchange”, I smiled.

“I’m sorry, sir. I can’t do that. I can only do refunds”.

“OK”. I pursed my lips and said nothing more.

He scanned my receipt, then frowned. “You paid with a debit card”, he said accusingly. “I can’t issue a credit for a debit”.

Instantly, I flashed back to years of accounting and finance classes in grad school, where I spent untold hours calculating columns labeled “Credit” and “Debit”, for amounts both large and small. I suddenly had an image of my first accounting professor, lecturing about how Credits must always equal Debits. Should I educate this fellow, this diamond in the rough working at The Home Depot’s return counter? Should I tell him that, in fact, the only way he can refund my Debit is to issue a Credit? Should I do my part to spread knowledge and education throughout greater Broward County? I quickly decided the answer was a resounding “No”.

“Um,” I said instead.

“I’ll have to give you cash. With tax, that comes to $47.54”. He muttered that I was taking all of his cash, but then dolefully counted out the exact amount, including the change – two quarters and four pennies.

“You are just getting the same thing, right?” he said as handed me a Refund Receipt, showing I had been issued cash for my wrench return. I nodded in the affirmative, afraid to say anything more out loud for fear of confusing the issue further. I clutched my $47.54 (that’s Forty Seven Dollars and Fifty-Four Cents, remember) and walked back to the tool aisle.

I found another package of the metric wrenches, and counted carefully through the bomb-proof plastic to make sure that there were, in fact, 10 wrenches. I also checked carefully to make sure that the all-important 10mm wrench was there.

I stood in line to pay for the replacement wrenches at the cashier one over from my friend the Refund Dude. The woman rang up my wrenches. “That will be $47.55, sir”, she said with a smile. I frowned, and placed my cash on the counter. “Well, I have $47.54”, I said, pointing.

She looked at me with concern. “I’m sorry sir, but you need another penny”, she said, apparently thinking that I was not very bright, and perhaps needed help counting my change. “I know that”, I said accusingly, “but he only gave me $47.54 for the same wrenches. He owes me a penny!” I stabbed a finger at the hapless refund cashier, who was already helping another customer.

Refund Boy turns around, his eyes glazed. Smiling Cashier points at me. “Did you give him a refund for some wrenches?” she asks. He nods, and points at the wrenches I am buying, then turns back to his customer. I show Smiling Cashier my previous receipt, with the Credit Receipt. “Hmmm”, she says. “I guess the different computers calculated tax differently, huh?”

I thought to myself, “That’s the stupidest thing that I ever…” And then it occurred to me, that after working in the software business for over 25 years, nothing really surprises me anymore. So I nodded. “Yup, I guess so”, I said. I prepared to leave. She gently put her hand on my bag of wrenches. “Sir, I still need that penny”, she said with concern.

I stared at her. She stared at me. Refund Boy turned around slightly, obviously not wanting to get involved. The people behind me in line were starting to shift from one foot to another. I sighed… this is 21st century America, after all. “OK”, I said.

But of course, I didn’t have a penny. Or a dollar. The only thing I had in my wallet was a twenty dollar bill. Solemnly, I handed her the twenty, which she snatched from my hand and happily tapped into the cash register. “Your change is $19.99” she said with excitement, and counted out my change.

I drove home, dumped 99 cents into my change jar, and finished putting together my patio stand with my new 10mm wrench.

Years ago, I could walk into a hardware store, say “I need to exchange this”, pick up another one off the shelf, and walk out with a smile. gaminator trükkök In fact, when I used to work at Osco Drug in 1981, this was exactly how we handled exchanges. But now, in 2007, things are so much more efficient.

At least I’m all set for metric wrenches now. If you need a patio stand assembled, I’m your man.