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A Clean Car is a Happy Car

It’s been brought to my attention that I am known for having and keeping a clean car. I’ve done that since I got my very first car – which wasn’t much of a car (1981 Pontiac Phoenix! Yeah man!), but it was clean. Even when that awful car suffered complete internal organ failure, and I was given a whopping $150 in trade-in credit, the dealer noted “At least it’s clean and the interior is in really good shape. I can use those seats at least”.

Not too long ago, a friend asked, “How do you manage that? How do you keep your car so clean? I just don’t see how it’s possible.” The answer is in the question itself: It’s clean because I keep it clean. And honestly, I don’t understand why everyone else doesn’t do the same thing.

My car is the most expensive single thing I own. For homeowners, it’s probably the second most expensive thing. I spend a lot of time in my car, hours and hours every week. I breathe the air there. I sit on the upholstery. I put my hands on the steering wheel. I touch the dash, the seats, the sides of the doors. To me, it’s like another room of my house.

These same people who are amazed at my clean car have perfectly clean houses and apartments. They know how to clean. They vacuum, wash dishes, wipe countertops, and mop floors. They have bottles of Windex and Pledge, they own scrub brushes and sponges, they use paper towels regularly. They quite clearly know how to keep things clean, and how to clean them.

Some months ago, I rode in someone’s car that had an odd… smell. After a while, I gently asked about the smell. “Oh, my daughter spilled orange juice in the back a few months ago. It got all over the seat and carpet.” The End.

This exact same person, if the exact same daughter had spilled that exact same glass of orange juice in their living room? On a couch, and it had gotten into the living room rug? They would have immediately soaked the coach cushions, cleaned the rug with shampoo, and scrubbed out the orange juice stains. Can you imagine walking into someone’s house, seeing a giant, congealed glob of rotten orange juice on the carpet and couch, and having them say, “Oh, yeah, one of the kids did that a few months ago.”

Yet, when the same thing happens in a car, they just throw up their hands and say “Oh, well, it’s the car.” No. Don’t do this. It’s the same thing as your living room.

And then there’s trash in the car. Would you leave empty bottles, cups, used Kleenex, hamburger wrappers, etc on your living room floor? Or on your kitchen counters? Or in your bathroom? For months at a time? But I see this in cars all the time. “Yeah, I need to clean that stuff up someday”.

No. No, you don’t clean it up “some day”. You clean it up that same day. Always. If I eat something in the car, then wrappers, cups, you name it, everything gets taken out and thrown away at the next stop. The very next time I get out of the car. I never, ever carry trash of any kind around in my car. No more than I would just let trash pile up on my kitchen counter or on my dining room floor. There are even legal and insurance claims that have been turned down for garbage not allowing the driver to to use a pedal or starp on the seat belt, to learn more, read this article about the importance of seat belt compliance in a personal injury claim.

If something spills on the car rug? I bring down the vacuum, clean it out, and use rug cleaner on it. The exact same thing that I would do if something spilt on the rug in my house.

Every few weeks, I vacuum out my car. Just like I do my house.

I wipe off the dash, the door insides, the steering wheel, and every surface. Just like I do with my kitchen counters, my living room furniture, and my bathrooms. To me, there is no difference.

Every few months, I do an intense interior cleaning on my car, using Armor All, leather cleaner, and polish. Just like I do when, every few months, I do an intense cleaning of my floors, using wax and cleaner. Just like I do, every few months, to my furniture with deep wax and polish. To me, there is no difference.

And every month or two, I take the car to a car wash, and have the exterior washed and cleaned. I pay about $20 for this. I do this because I live in an apartment, and I don’t have access to a hose and the like.

That’s pretty much it. Keeping a clean car, to me, is a simple matter of maintenance and basic hygiene.

Now. To you parents out there.

I see you’re always careful to keep certain areas of your house extra clean, so that germs don’t spread and so your kids stay as sniffle-free and healthy as possible. But for some reason, you think your car possesses some magical power to resist germs without cleaning. I see you wiping off bathroom surfaces and kitchen areas meticulously – but the inside of your car hasn’t been touched since you bought it. Where do you think all those germs are coming from?

A clean car is a happy car, and it makes you feel good to be in one. So if your car is a bit of a mess… turn it around. Go clean out all the trash. Vacuum the carpet. Get some good old Woolite rug cleaner and get those stains out. Windex off the inside and clean those door handles. Clean the insides of the windows. Clean off old stickers and gunky areas with Goof Off. Shine up the dash with some Armor All. You will feel so much better driving, and everyone who gets into your car will feel better too.

From then on, remember: Whatever goes in the car, goes out of the car. Every time, every day. If you wouldn’t put up with it in your house, then don’t put up with it in your car.

And then you can be Happy Happy Happy like me. Well, at least in your car. Have an A1 Day!

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Politics Technology Thoughts and Comments

The End of Ambition

Today I watched the last Space Shuttle lift off, right up the coast from me. Once the Atlantis lands, 9,000 people will be laid off. One man has worked at NASA for over 30 years, and he has worked on every single one of the 135 shuttle launches since the first one in 1981.

But it’s not just lost jobs. It’s a loss of will. It’s a loss of national ambition. A loss of of our sense of purpose as a country.

It’s been decades since we’ve done anything to build our future. The last big national infrastructure project was the interstate highway system, started in the 1950s. The last big national technology program, manned space flight, ends next week when the Atlantis lands for the last time, and gets shipped off to a museum.

Taxes are the lowest they’ve been in 80 years. But at what cost to our country?

Our train tracks rust. Our highways crumble. Our bridges collapse. Our schools, once the best in the world, rank lower and lower every year against other countries. China builds high-speed railways that whisk its citizens from one city to another at 200 miles an hour. Brazil has managed to make itself completely energy independent, thanks to a massive national program to make biofuels. India has a space program that is rapidly progressing towards full satellite launches and manned missions.

Every other western democracy provides full health care for all its citizens. Many new immigrants to the United States keep a second citizenship, not from loyalty to the country of their birth, but as a hedge in case they get really sick – they can always go home for medical care. Business fail, or never start in the first place, because they can’t provide health care coverage for their employees.

To me, the end of manned space flight is a symbol of everything that is wrong with our country. We have become tight and petty. We care more about keeping the most money in our pockets we can, rather than building a future.

We used to reach for the stars. Now we reach for our wallets and hold on to them tightly, refusing to contribute anything for fear that someone, somewhere, might cheat us. We’ve become a nation of dogs in the manger.

It is said, over and over, that those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Just look at the history books – the last time we had ridiculously low taxes, no national infrastructure programs, and a culture that didn’t believe in bringing people up from under? The 1920’s. Ending in 1929. The Great Depression. And it took 15 years and a world war to pull our heads back into the sky and start building up again.

But we don’t learn from history, because we’re doing it again. We keep cutting taxes and cutting programs. The rich have more money than they’ve had since the 1920s, while contributing less and less to the country that made their wealth possible in the first place. We cut or eliminate every program that has a chance of building a new future.

We should be building and spending our way towards a new future, not cutting back and screaming “Mine! Mine!”. We should have a million new workers out right now, building new and better highways. Better and faster railways. Newer and more efficient airports. We should rebuild our entire electrical system, to make it more efficient and modern. We should be running fiber optic internet cable to every single resident of the entire country.

And yes, we should have a cutting edge space program, both to give our children something to look up to and admire, as well as to create all the new technologies and companies that will fuel the future. Without Apollo and the manned space program, we would not have the modern computer industry, many new health breakthroughs like MRIs and laser surgery, and literally hundreds of other things. It has been estimated that every dollar we spent on the space program earned back a hundred times that amount in new jobs, technologies, and businesses.

China has a lock on rare earth minerals, vital for computer parts and medical machinery. Why don’t we fund a national space program to mine those minerals from asteroids? We are beholden to countries we hate, because we have to grovel for their oil. Why don’t we start a massive solar satellite power system to build and beam down energy from space? Refining certain pharmaceuticals in centrifuges is phenomenally expensive and time consuming, while the same drugs could be made in zero gravity for pennies. Why don’t we fund a massive medical and pharmaceutical facility in earth orbit for manufacturing such things?

We spent a trillion dollars invading and “rebuilding” a country that never attacked us, and in which we have no national interest. We spent another trillion dollars invading another country and occupying it for 10 years when what we really wanted was to capture a single criminal. Yet our politicians haggle and whine over amounts that don’t even amount to one ten-thousandth of those figures if it has something to do with issues here at home.

One of our political parties cries and whimpers that they won’t even consider raising a single tax on anyone or anything. “We refuse to pay for our country”, they say. “We want all the money for ourselves”. The other political party dithers and waffles, refusing to set goals or an agenda or object to anything. “We’ll just wait and see”, they say. “The future will be whatever it is”.

Remember when we used to have actual leaders? Remember when John F. Kennedy sparked a nation when he announced the goal of putting a man on the moon, and said, “We do this not because it is easy, but because it is hard”? Where is that spirit now?

Everyone who reads this, I beg of you: The next time a politician asks for your vote, don’t ask them how much of your money you get to keep. Ask them how they’re going to build the future. Demand that they look forward, not backward. Tell them to spend every cent they can to make our country the best and the brightest.

In other words… Demand that they reach for the stars.

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Thoughts and Comments

Toys in the Sun Run: 2010 Edition

23rd Annual Toys in the Sun Run. December 5, 2010, Broward County, Florida.

Jonathan on his new SportsterA few months ago, thanks to a bit of prodding from my friend and coworker Justin Armstrong, I bought myself a brand-new Harley-Davidson motorcycle: a 2011 Sportster SuperLow. 883 cc’s of marvelous two-wheeled rumbling power, in exactly the size and shape to fit my 5′ 7″, 145 pound frame. Outfitted with leather-covered hard saddlebags, a GPS, luggage rack, and with the optional fuel and temperature gauges to boot. I ride it every chance I get, and drive it to work unless it’s raining or too damn cold.

Since I got the Harley, I’m always looking for fun runs to take it on. Up to Lake Okeechobee. Across Alligator Alley over to Naples. Down to Key Largo for an afternoon lunch at the Fish House. That kind of thing.

And as luck would have it, here in South Florida there’s a charity event that takes place every December. To raise money for Unicef, thousands of motorcyclists gather together down here for the Toys in the Sun Run. Driving across a chunk of Broward County, the participants carry toys on their bikes to donate to children around the world. Every rider donates at least $10 in cash, in addition to at least one toy of that value or higher. The ride ends at Markham Park, just outside of Weston, Florida, and turns into an outdoor festival with live music, food, bike and car oriented outdoor vendors, art shows, and everything else you can think of that goes with such an event.

About a month after I bought mine, Frank bought a Harley-Davidson motorcycle as well, a 2010 Sportster Iron. Thus it does not require Einstein or Hawking intelligence levels to figure out where the two of us were heading early on Sunday morning, December 5th, 2010. You got it. We were on our bikes, suited up and toys loaded in the saddlebags, off to Pompano Beach.

The flyers said to arrive no later than 9am at the line-up, for a 9:45 departure from the holding area at the Seminole Casino in Coconut Creek. We left the house at 8am. Frank, being new to riding a motorcycle and not yet comfortable driving on the freeway, wanted to stick to surface streets. So, about an hour later, we pulled into the parking lot at the Casino, taking our place in what seemed like an endless line of motorcycles. We ponied up our $10 donation, got our hands stamped, and took our place in the parking lot, lined up and ready to go.

Much to our surprise, we waited in the parking lot for a little over an hour. Even more to our surprise, we weren’t bored in the least. All around us were tons of fun people and thousands of bikes. We ended up chatting with all our surrounding bikers, especially a female couple (Lou and Maggie) who were riding right between Frank and I. At one point I said, “I was thinking about putting a wreath on the front of my bike for the ride, but I thought it would be too gay”. Lou said, “Honey, you can never be too gay”. Far be it from me to argue with a lady on a motorcycle dressed in leather.

We also talked with a young couple in front of us, a man and woman (never sure if they were married or just a couple) whose license plate read “2 YUTES”. A great joke if you’ve seen “My Cousin Vinny“, and a fun point of conversation if you haven’t.

We walked up and down the rows of bikes, admiring the unusual and the antique. One guy at the front of our line was riding a perfectly restored 1950’s Triumph, which looked like it had just been driven out of the showroom. We saw several original Indian and Victory cycles as well. And there were the oddballs, like the bright yellow touring bike with a fully enclosed, air-conditioned sidecar attached to it. In perfectly matching yellow, of course.

Parking lot after parking lot of motorcycles pulled out, and at last it was our turn. Police motorcycle escorted us out as we joined into the long streams of two-wheeled power driving to the freeway. As we drove along the streets, I realized that we were, in fact, a parade! People were lining the streets, waving, taking pictures, and cheering us on. I got all sheepish and happy, and though I felt like an idiot doing it, I waved back with a gloved hand to everyone that waved at me. And I made sure to keep a smile plastered on my face for all the photographers.

Down the street, up the ramp onto I-95, which was completely closed in one direction for the run. We got up to about 70 mph briefly, before slowing down to a more constant 10 to 20 mph as we merged onto I-595 and began heading west to Markham Park. All along the freeway route, the crowds were present. Every time we went under an overpass, the entire bridge was lined with people waving, cheering, and snapping pictures. I’m sure, of course, that some of them were thinking, “Damn motorcycle riders, closing down the freeway…” but this being a holiday charity event, I did not dwell on that possibility.

There was a fair amount of stopping and starting (“a lot of clutch work”, Lou said to me at one point) and for the most of the drive, I never got out of second gear. But it was hard to be in a bad mood, and the weather was gorgeous. Lou and Maggie had a large sack of candy with them, and every time we’d get near a group of children watching along the sides, they’d toss out handfuls of candy. I made a mental note to be sure to do that next year. Maybe I can mount a candy bucket right on the handlebars…

Around noon, we pulled into the park, donated our toys, and strode around the festival. As you’d expect, there were dozens of food vendors, many folks selling various motorcycle gear, clothing, and customizations, and lots of live music. The Charlie Daniels Band played, and a bit later I think it was David Cassidy. Also a local bluegrass/rockabilly group that was quite good. I ate burgers and several fresh corn dogs; Frank ate those in addition to a giant ear of roasted corn which he ate right out of the husk, which had been dipped in dripping butter.

After we’d visited every booth, picked up a few souvenirs and some magnetic “Watch For Motorcycles” bumper stickers for our cars, we decided to head home. We were stuffed with food, tired, and getting sleepy. As we walked back to our bikes, I tried to take some panoramic pictures that could capture just how many parked motorcycles were there. It just wasn’t possible. They stretched about as far as I could see in all directions. A cop walking nearby told us she there were something like 20,000 motorcycles, and “I have no idea how many people, but it’s a lot”.

Once we got home, the tired took over, and we took long naps. And realized we’d never exchanged phone numbers with Lou and Maggie, which is a damn shame, because they seemed like really nice girls to go riding with. And further realized that we were still exhausted, but couldn’t wait to do it again.

The Toys in the Sun Run is definitely going to be an annual tradition for me, no question. And next time I’m planning on decking my bike out a bit, and donating a good deal more toys. So if you’re in South Florida next December, be sure to wave as I drive past. Or, if you’ve got a motorcycle… come join!

Merry Christmas!

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Thoughts and Comments

NUMMI Nova

nova-01This is a little personal story about the American car industry, as well as a review of a great episode of This American Life . The episode in question is “NUMMI”, episode #403, available for immediately listening or download here. And the car is the Chevrolet Nova. More specifically, my 1986 Chevrolet Nova.

When I moved to Los Angeles from Chicago at the very beginning of 1986, I drove there in my 1982 Pontiac Phoenix. The Phoenix was an awful car. It was one of GM’s notorious X-body cars, the Pontiac version of the Chevrolet Citation. I had bought it used, but with only 4,000 miles on it. And from the day I got it, it was pretty much always getting serviced. The first six weeks I had the car, the transmission fell apart. I mean literally fell apart: They undid the bolts under the transmission, and the whole thing fell out and crumbled on the garage floor.

The alternator had to be replaced twice in the 18 months I owned the car. The radiator once. Brake pads, twice, entire brake assembly, once. For a while, the air conditioner heated up the car and the heater cooled it off.

It did have a nice interior, however. I remember my Dad emphasizing that fact.

In the fall of 1986, after nine months of driving the Phoenix all over Los Angeles, it finally gave up the ghost completely. At a stop light one day in Culver City, the car make a loud sound like that of a giant sighing. The brake pedal suddenly lost all tension and slammed against the floor. And the car began to creep though the intersection, right into oncoming traffic.

15 minutes later, a cop helped me push it off to the side of the road. I took it to the nearest brake shop… driving at 5 miles an hour with the door open, so I could drag my foot to bring the car to a stop. The Meineke guys were all smirking. A quick look at the car, and the service dude told me the entire brake system needed to be replaced. “But man… it’s not worth it. If I were you, I’d ditch this piece of crap”, the service manager told me bluntly.

They did something with tying off a hose or pumping it full of fluid or some such, which they said would last for about a week if I didn’t drive faster than 50 an hour or so. I did it. Even that was $150.

Two days later, driving down La Brea Avenue, the car started to rattle and cough. And then there was a very loud noise, a kind of popping and crashing sound, and a dent appeared on the hood – pushed out from the inside. The Phoenix just stopped, and I coasted it to the side of the road.

And that was it. It has thrown a rod, along with at least one other bad thing that I didn’t bother to deal with. I had the car towed to the dealer. Even the crappy extended warranty I had on the car would not cover a complete engine rebuild – because I’d already used most of my “deductible” on the new transmission.

So I sat down with the nice man at the Chevy dealer – because I still had almost a year of payments left to make on the car – and worked out buying a new car. I was all set to get a new Camaro. Silver. T-Top. Basic 4 cylinder. Mmmm boy. I had the keys in my hand, and then they did the final credit check. And the salesman snatched the keys back out of my hand.

“The only thing we have that you can afford”, he said, sneering a little bit (I swear to god I’m not making that up, he honestly did sneer, the side of his lip curled up with actual disdain) “is one of the Novas. The Toyota things.” He waved his arm towards the opposite end of the dealership.

Now, I grew up in a military household. To my father, there were (and still are) only two places that made cars: Detroit and Germany. Although we had a few Volkswagens here and there, every other car we had was a True Blue American Car Made By Real Americans In America. Mostly Chevys, but we had at least one Ford that I know of. So, honestly, I had not even thought of buying a Japanese car. Besides, I was locked into my GMAC loan.

The smarmy Camaro salesman handed me off to a sadder-but-wiser looking older salesman, who gave me an earnest review of the Nova. He explained that it was exactly the same as a Toyota Corolla, but made by GM workers in a plant in California, under Toyota supervision. It was the first joint venture between an American and a Japanese car company, and this was the second year they had been available. He told me what a great deal it was – I was getting a Toyota Corolla, but for less money and made in America!

To be honest, it wasn’t like I had a lot of choice, and it did seem like a decent enough little car. I drove off with one that was just a little above “the base” – a blue, four-door 1986 Chevrolet Nova with cloth seats, automatic transmission, no air conditioning, basic FM radio.

As I drove it home for the first time, it felt good. It was solid. It hugged the road. It accelerated nicely with its tiny 4-cylinder engine, much better than my crappy Phoenix ever had. The brakes worked! And even without A/C, the vent system was powerful and blew air through the car well. I was still pretty miffed about not getting the Camaro, but still, it seemed like a nice enough little car…nova-02

Well. I drove that car for the next six years, putting 89,238 miles on it before I finally sold it. It became, to this day, the only car that I ever completely paid off. I continued to drive it for another year, even after it was paid for and the warranty had expired. I drove that car all the way through Baja Mexico, over a thousand miles to Cabo San Lucas, and back. I drove it to San Francisco, Las Vegas, and even through the snow to Mammoth Mountain for skiing. It took me everywhere I wanted to go.nova-03

After the first year, I upgraded the stereo to add a cassette player and four speakers. And other than regular service, that was the only money I ever had to spend on that car. It never broke down. Never. Nothing every had to be replaced. Nothing rattled. Nothing broke. The transmission was flawless. The brakes always worked. It never stalled. The interior stayed solid and wear-free for six years. Even the carpets stood up to the test of numerous hikes, ski boots, and I can’t even remember what all else.

I paid, I think, $7,500 for that car brand new. Six years later, in 1992, I sold it for $3,000 cash. One of my friends said I was a fool for selling that car, since it was paid for and ran great. In retrospect, he was right. I moved “up” into a Ford Explorer, which was the first of a series of SUV’s that I bought, until I finally moved back into a small car in 2005 (the Mini Cooper).

I have very found memories of that Nova. And one last little tidbit: Two years after I sold it, I was driving down PCH (Pacific Coast Highway, outside Malibu) behind… a blue Chevy Nova. Frank was in the car seat next to me, and I pointed at the car, telling him I used to have a car “just like that”. And then I noticed… the license plate was my old plate. And my “Northwestern University” sticker was still on the rear window. It was my actual car!

I tried to wave at the driver – I was pretty sure it was the same woman I had sold the car to – but she didn’t see me, and pulled away into traffic. I noticed that the car was still running fine, and it was still clean and dent-free.

The Chevrolet Nova got great reviews while it was made, and even Consumer Reports said it was the most reliable car GM made. I had always assumed that it was just because it was, after all, an exact clone of a Toyota Corolla.

And then, I heard the latest episode of This American Life , hosted by Ira Glass. Although This American Life is a radio (and TV) show on PBS, I listen to it as a downloaded podcast. I listen to the show regularly (great to listen to in the car on the long drive to work), so when I saw the title of this week’s episode – “NUMMI” – I didn’t really care what it meant, since I listen to every episode regardless.

As it turns out, “NUMMI” is, more or less, the story of the Chevrolet Nova. NUMMI stands for New United Motors Manufacturing, Inc. And it was the factory that my Nova was built in.  

Over the course of an hour, the show details how the NUMMI plant came to be, going online in late 1984. It describes how the workers traveled over to Japan, for intense training in the concept of car teamwork. It includes frank, honest interviews with auto workers, union members, and GM and Toyota executives.

What is truly amazing – and very, very sad – is that way back in 1985, GM knew exactly how to make high-quality, reliable cars. They were doing it at the NUMMI plant. The union workers put aside their seniority and their perks, and worked side by side with management. They fully embraced the entire concept of “Kaizen” – constant, continuous improvement – in all aspects of the company. At the NUMMI plant, by the end of 1986, they were building the highest quality, most reliable vehicles on the American continent. They were even keeping pace neck-and-neck with their Japanese counterparts.

In the show, as revealed by interview after interview with former line workers, you can hear the pride in the worker’s voices. For the first time, one says, he looked forward to going to work. He swelled with pride when a new Nova came off the line, 100% free of flaws.

Another talked about how he printed up a batch of postcards with his name and address on them, and whenever he saw a new Nova in a parking lot, he’d slide the postcard under the windshield wiper. What did the card say? “I built this car, and I’d love to hear what you think”. For years, he’d get comments back from owners – almost all of them positive.

One worker, who was planning on taking early retirement, stayed for an additional 18 years until he was forced to retire. He said he just liked what he was doing too much to stop. Management became actual members of the team, even working the production line alongside their union counterparts.

So…. why didn’t the rest of GM just do the same thing? Why, rather than extend this technique to the entire company, did they instead wind up filing for bankruptcy in 2008, the largest company in history to do so?

The second half of the show tells us why. More interviews reveal that for the most part, the majority of General Motors did not care at all about… well… actually making cars. They cared about protecting their jobs, their exact way of life, their little fiefdoms. They did not want change. They wanted things to stay exactly the same. None of them believed that GM could ever fall, and they saw no reason to rock the boat.

And so NUMMI remained as the one and only unionized, American operated factory that practiced the same production methods as their Japanese counterparts. After 1988, NUMMI switched over to making the Geo line, and then later to just making Toyotas – Corollas, Tacomas, etc – when GM dropped their small cars in favor of larger trucks and SUVs. It finally closed down in 2008, a victim of the bankruptcy. Joint ventures, even successful ones, can’t survive a complete dismantling of one of the parents.

I’ve always enjoyed This American Life, but this is a particularly stand-out episode. If you have any interest at all in why American car manufacturers fell so far and so (relatively) fast, listen to this episode . It is awesome in its clear, frank attitude about exactly what went wrong. And how, if only more people had been willing to accept a new way of thinking and working, GM might have not only regained their number one position, but could have climbed even further. Instead – well, we all know what happened instead.

At the end of the show, one retired worker comments on how the only thing that really saddened him about the GM bankruptcy was that the NUMMI plant was getting shut down. “I loved that plant”, he says wistfully. “It changed me life. I’m not kidding, it really did. It changed the way I thought about everything, and it gave me pride in what I was doing every single day I went to work”. He didn’t take a vacation day for one of those eighteen years, he reveals.

So when you wonder… how did American end up in such a bad recession? How did we lose our lead in such a short time? How could we, as a country, have fallen so far? Listen to “NUMMI”. In a nutshell, it’s all there.

Chevrolet Novas from the 1980s are still on the road. And they’re still holding together.

And that’s the best testimony I can think of to what could have been.

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Politics Thoughts and Comments

Skeptical Me

I have always considered myself to be a realist, ever since I was old enough to understand the concept. I don’t put much stock in superstition, blind faith, or jumping on the bandwagon. When I first started this blog, before I put up the quote from Erasmus that defines it now, I used to have my personal motto up there instead. Which is, “Question Authority. Embrace Change. Think for Yourself.” One of these days, when I get around to doing a proper site design, I’ll put that back somewhere on the site.

In recent years, a school of political thought has been revived called “Realism “. The political affiliation of Realism – as opposed to, say, Neo-Conservativism or LIberalism or Libertarianism or whatever – is a discipline that teaches that ideologies are basically pointless, and that the only proper study of the world situation is to try to figure out what is actually, really going on. Not what people say they want, or claim they’re trying to do, but focus solely on what people are actually, really doing. Strip all the blinders off as best you can and study the situation at hand, warts and all.

A political Realist, for example, would not have invaded Iraq. Yes, Saddam Hussein was extremely evil. Yes, he killed lots of people. Yes, it was very very sad that he ruled his country with an iron fist. But it would cost too much to oust him, and besides, the “no-fly” policy had kept him pretty well locked tight. He just wasn’t a problem. So who cares? He didn’t affect anything in reality. Realistically, it was not a situation that needed any action.

A Realist would also have questioned all the intelligence reports. Are there any opposing reports? If so, why? Does anyone who is providing intelligence have a particular ax to grind? Have you followed the money to make sure that no one is simply telling you what you want to hear?

A Realist would say, “You want to cut the deficit? Fine by me. So what should we cut from Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, and Defense? Because that’s 4/5 of the national budget. Oh, you don’t want anything cut from any of those? And you don’t want to raise any taxes at all? Then we will continue to have a deficit. End of story.”

Needless to say, no true Realist has ever won any kind of political office. The electorate doesn’t want to hear reality, they want to hear boastful promises.

Which leads me, finally, to the title of this post. I am a skeptic. I am skeptical. I need to see the evidence. I need to see the evidence from multiple sources, preferably over a period of time, and I am willing to change my mind based on the evidence assembled in front of me. I’m also a great believer in common sense (in addition to being a fan of Thomas Paine‘s Common Sense, but that’s another story). I believe in Occam’s Razor – the simplest, plainest, most logical solution is usually the right one.

For example, what makes more sense: Extraterrestrial aliens, using unknown faster-than-light technology, traverse hundreds or thousands of light-years to anally probe various farmers? Or: Suggestible people black out and hallucinate, based on commonly shared, pop-culture science fiction references? To me, the hallucination sounds a lot more plausible than the alien visit. Add to that the lack of any physical evidence for alien visitation versus the several hundred years of documentation on people hallucinating. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof, in other words.

Recently, I had a very invigorating back-and-forth with a friend of mine on Facebook on the basic topic of “skepticism”. I had made a passing comment about the “bogus Toyota recall”. My friend took issue with that comment, asking me what in the world I thought was bogus about the recall. Another friend chimed in to support me, adding in a critique of the recent H1N1 “Swine Flu” scare. Which led to a series of 19 (!) related, threaded comments over a period of two days.

Here was my position: I don’t believe there’s anything fundamentally wrong with Toyotas. I’ve been hearing “The car just accelerated on me!” excuse since I was a little kid. In every case, it was someone who either got confused between the accelerator and the brake, got their shoe (like a sandal) caught on the accelerator at the same time as they were using the brake, or slammed on the clutch and not the brake. The physical way an accelerator works simply won’t allow it to accelerate on its own… an accelerator is a spring that requires constant pressure to keep it depressed. Sure, accelerators can and do break – but they break by no longer accelerating. Not by accelerating on their own!

The claim for a few Toyotas was that the accelerator “stuck”. A very few. Something on the order of 8 cars total. And even in those cases, the cars did not accelerate on their own – the accelerator just failed to return to its default position as fast as it normally would have. In all cases, the brakes on the cars worked just fine. If the car operator had braked properly, the accidents would not have happened.

I believe I’m being realistic here. A very few cars had sticky accelerators. This stickiness would not cause the car to speed up on its own; all it would do, in the very worst case, was act like cruise control was engaged when it actually wasn’t. The mechanics who have investigated the issue say there’s about a one in 10,000 chance of the problem occurring in any given vehicle.

My point is, that’s no cause for panic. It’s just a minor repair. No big deal. Your car is fine. The next time you take it in for service, ask them to check the accelerator to see if your Toyota is the one in 10,000 that might have a slightly sticky accelerator. End of story.

That was not, of course, the end of the story. Quite the opposite. Instead, this was the lead story on the news for nearly two weeks. Toyota recalled millions of vehicles in response to panicked owners. The Secretary of Transportion told people to stop driving their cars. Three nights in a row, the news featured interviews with a doctor who was absolutely certain something was wrong with his car – even though he had taken it in multiple times, and each time mechanics had assured him his car was fine, it was not one of the ones affected. But the doctor refuses to drive the car, and insisted instead that Toyota refund to him the entire dollar amount of the car, plus “pain and suffering”. By the way, he’s been driving the car for three years without any problems.

Now. Going back to my example about the aliens. What is more likely? That 8 people, maybe maybe possibly with an accelerator that was slightly sticky, panicked and crashed their cars? Possibly, in their panic, confusing brake and accelerator, forgetting to break at all? Or: That Toyota somehow, defying all laws of physics and more than 100 years of collected technological research in how to make cars, somehow designed, built, and sold millions of cars with accelerators that sped up on their own? Occam’s Razor, folks. Which answer makes more sense?

Look at the evidence. Not at emotions. Not panicked parents concerned about their children. Not a doctor who thinks “Lawsuit!”. The evidence. What is the hard core, real world, actual evidence? I watched two weeks of news about this story, and not once – not once! – did I ever hear or read any actual, factual evidence about anything associated with this story. No engineering diagrams. No explanations from a mechanic. No testimony from anyone who investigated any of these crashes. Nothing. Just a lot of emotional weeping and moaning and groaning.

When the Balloon Boy story first broke, I said “Bullshit. Something’s going on there”. When Susan Smith reported her children missing, I said “Bullshit. She knows where they are”. And remember the story about the woman in 2008, who claimed that a crazy black man carved a “B” on her face because she didn’t like Obama (the “B”, by the way, was backwards, the way it would appear in a mirror). Why didn’t any news people call these things for the bullshit that they were on the spot? Where are the skeptics? Where are the people demanding, “Let’s see the evidence before we draw any conclusions”?

I’m making a plea here. Question stuff. When a talking head on the news starts out with “Some people say…” or “It has been reported…” you should immediately be skeptical. When instead of evidence, you hear tearful statements from someone not actually involved, you should be skeptical. When a story is based on “estimates”, you should be skeptical. You should be skeptical by default.

And follow up. Part of why I bitched so much about the H1N1 reporting was that the actual, real, tested deaths did not come anywhere near close to the “estimates” that the news reports were throwing around. At the time, it seemed like the media was drumming up panic to boost ratings. After all, “swine flu” has been around for quite a while. And all influenza viruses mutate and evolve every year. That’s perfectly normal. Look at the total flu statistics, for all varieties combined, year over year. Was this past year of 2009, statistically speaking, very different on average from all other years? No. It was not. (Compare each year from 1997 on up through 2009, looking at totals across the board for all varieties of influenza). So why all the panic?

Some people have mistakenly called me cynical. I am not. I believe in the basic goodness of people, and I believe that most people really do want to do the right thing.

But I am skeptical. And you should be too.

Skeptical Me.

Categories
Thoughts and Comments

Alligators in the Wild

DSC_0914Everglades National Park – Shark Valley. U.S. 41 (Tamiami Trail) 25 miles west of the Florida Turnpike from exit 25 (S.W. 8th St.). Phone: 305-221-877. Hours: 8:30am – 5:00pm, 365 days a year.

I’ve lived in South Florida for over five years now. You would think that I’d be pretty familiar with all the appropriate sites and scenes in the area after all that time. Every month, however, I realize I’ve only just scratched the surface. With a slew of relatives in town this past holiday weekend, and tired of repeating the same rounds of standard tourist areas, I found another great place to go: Shark Valley.

We live, literally, right on the edge of the Everglades. Our home is Weston, Florida, which abuts Everglades National Park. And our housing development is the last one before the Everglades begin. When we exit our development (Isles of Weston, if you’re curious), you can only make a left or right turn. A right turn takes you to Manitee Bay Elementary, and later to Weston proper. A left turn takes you to Highway 27, which runs all along the Everglades. When I walk my dog, I can walk out of our gate, cross the street, and I’m standing in Everglades National Park.

Living as close as we do, we’re pretty familiar with the various fauna. We’ve had most of the large birds visit our swimming pool and back yard many times: Great Blue Herons (Ardea herodias), Green Herons (Butorides virescens), Kingfishers (Ceryle alcyon), Cormorants (Phalacrocorax auritus), White Ibis (Eudocimus albus), and the ever-present Great Egret (Ardea alba). (Side note: I have a T-shirt that says “Egrets? I’ve had a few.”). Two iguanas have taken up permanent residence amidst our hedges, various snakes make occasional appearances, and raccoons frequently wash their food in our pool. We’ve had to fish a snapping turtle out of the pool once as well (it was not happy).

We’ve never had an alligator actually in our back yard, but there have been a few in the pond / lake / canal behind our house. And we’ve seen them on occasion swimming in the canals, or just off the road as we drive on Highway 27 or across Alligator Alley on our way to Naples.

Usually, when friends or family visit us and want to see gators, we take them either to Billie Swamp Safari (long drive, but worth it – it’s a very nice, well-run place on the Seminole Indian reservation) or to Everglades Holiday Park (only 5 minutes from our house, but it’s a nasty, dirty, tourist trap and all the animals look a bit ill). The decision as to which one we go to usually depends on the robustness of the visitor in question, and the age of the children accompanying us.

For this Christmas vacation, however, we had Frank’s nephew (my nephew-in-law) Don Norton (the famous Flight 1549 passenger who has appeared on many, many talk shows and is one of the contributors to the new book Brace for Impact: Miracle on the Hudson Survivors Share Their Stories of Near Death and Hope for New Life), his wife Elizabeth, and their 3-year-old son Ethan. We also had Frank’s sister (my sister-in-law) Darlene Baron and her fiancé Russ Kuspinsky. All five of our visitors had already been to both of the above-mentioned alligator locations, and we’d also already taken them to all of the standard visitor places in greater Fort Lauderdale on previous visits as well.

We were initially planning to head down to the Keys, maybe Key Largo or Marathon, but Ethan, although a well-behaved and mobile 3-year-old boy, is still, nevertheless, a 3-year-old boy, and we decided that 3 hours in the car for all seven of us might be a bit much.

Frank did some research, and found Shark Valley. Shark Valley is a part of Everglades National Park that has a 15-mile-long paved trail that winds a long loop through the Shark River Valley, in the prime southern part of the Everglades. It also includes several shorter connecting trails, and there’s an observation tower at the far end of the loop that lets you look out over the Everglades for miles in all directions. Best of all, however, the park has allowed a concession company to run a tram tour along the entire trail. So, we figured, we could drive out there, buy ourselves a bunch of tram tickets, and tour the entire park Lion Country Safari style, with Ethan safely sitting on our laps.

One hour later, as we tried to park at the Shark Valley Visitor Center, we discovered a little problem in our plan. It was the 26th of December, the day after Christmas. And apparently every other family in South Florida had the same idea. The parking lot was full, cars were parked along the highway for at least a mile in either direction, and the tram tours were sold out for the entire day.

But we’d come all this way, and I was not going to just turn around. Besides, we all had to pee.

So, I dropped off everyone else (including Ethan’s stroller) at the park entrance, and then drove a mile down the highway to find a place to park. By the time I trudged back to the entrance, everyone else was already inside gawking. Frank had cleverly purchased a $10 “one car” admittance to the park, convincing the rangers that just because we weren’t actually in the car at the moment, we were nevertheless “one car load”.

Since the tram tours were sold out, we decided to walk just the first mile or so of the trail and see what we could see. And I immediately discovered the first wonder of the Shark Valley paved trail: it is bicycle friendly. Very bike friendly. So friendly they rent bikes by the hour right at the park entrance. And they encourage everyone to bring their bikes.

That was why all the cars were parked so far up and down the highway. It turns out that Shark Valley is an incredibly popular weekend spot for all bike trail lovers in South Florida. They even sell year-long passes to the park for people who come almost every weekend to bike the trails.

Bikes meandered by us in both directions, pausing and stopping often to view the wildlife. The wildlife! Because that turned out to be the huge surprise of Shark Valley. Every single animal that lives in the Everglades seems to converge on Shark Valley, and they’re completely blasé about people being around them.

Alligators were all over the trail. Resting in the sun just off the trails. Crawling across the trail to plop into the water than ran on either side (the paved trail is basically just a limestone dyke rising up out of the surrounding Everglades). Swimming in the water. Baby alligator sunning themselves on little stone outcroppings of the trail, ready to race off if you got closer than 3 feet to them.

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(My entire Flickr gallery, including pictures of all of us with various animals, is here)

And the birds! Every kind of Everglades bird strutted around, not afraid to hunt and eat right in front of you. We saw all 3 types of herons swimming under water, catching fish. I videotaped a Great Blue Heron as it snagged a baby turtle, crunching the shell this way and that until it was mangled enough for it to swallow whole.

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We walked about a mile down the main trail, and Russ and I walked one of the small offshoot trails to view the limestone caves that otters live in (alas, we saw no otters). As we left the otter trail to re-enter the main paved trail, there was an extremely large (about 10 feet long) alligator sunning itself right on the trail.

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Russ looked up and down. There was no one else visible on the park trail. “You see any rangers?” he asked me. “Get your video camera going”. “What are you going to do”, I asked, camera up and ready. “I just wanna see what its tail feels like”, he said. “He looks pretty asleep to me”.

Slowly Russ leaned down and touched the gator’s tail. Almost immediately, the big reptile’s head jerked up, its eyes opened, and its jaws parted ever so slightly. “Whoa!”, we both said at the same time. “That was really stupid, Russ”, I added. The gator hissed a loud and very clear warning. We backed off several dozen feet. It glared at us for a second, then slowly closed its eyes and resumed its sunning.

As we walked back to rejoin the rest of our group, we passed a sign we had seen earlier: “Warning Wild Alligators Do Not Feed or Molest“. I guess Russ has a different understanding of the word “molest” than I do. But at least I got his idiocy on camera, and neither man nor beast was hurt. Nevertheless: Do not try this.

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We rejoined the rest of our group. Just about 100 yards away from the end of the trail, and within site of the visitor’s center, a Blue Heron walked out of the water right in front of us. Its feathers were dripping – and it had a small, wiggling bass fish speared on its beak.

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We all squatted down to watch. The bird shook the fish off its beak, and then stabbed at it repeatedly. Every time the fish wiggled a little, the heron would grab it and toss it up into the air, letting it fall back onto the ground. Finally the fish stopped wriggling (“I think you can stop, bird. It’s dead!” Don said to it) and it picked it up carefully.

We wondered how the bird was going to eat the fish. We assumed it would rip it apart. We hadn’t noticed, but a park ranger had joined our little huddle as the bird played with the fish. She began to narrate what was going on for our benefit.

“Now she has to position it at just the right angle so she can swallow it”, the ranger said. “She knows it has to be just so, or else the scales on the fish will catch against her throat and she’ll have to cough it back up. And she wants to eat it pretty quick before one of the other park residents sees the fresh meat and maybe decides to take it away from her”.

Elizabeth was annoyed at that. “That’s not fair! The bird did all the work of catching the fish!” The ranger said not to worry, the herons very rarely gave up their food. Right on cue, the heron got the fish at just the right angle. From a mere four feet away, I videotaped as the large bird expanded its throat, and, in a series of gulps, swallowed the fish whole. And then took a few dainty sips of water to wash it down.

We all clapped. It had been a wonderful end to a wonderful day. Russ pronounced our visit to Shark Valley the best day of the entire vacation, and that was including the 10-day cruise they had all just been on.

As we left the park, I talked to a group of rangers. Park rangers are just about the friendliest people on Earth, and man do they know their stuff. I asked why the park was named “Shark Valley”, and got a long description of the Shark River, its mouth 35 miles further south, and the long wide valley carved by the river all the way up into the Everglades. “Obviously, in the end, it’s just a name”, the ranger finished. “There are no sharks here. Just alligators, crocodiles, pumas, and bobcats. And sometimes bears”.

All the way home we talked about Shark Valley. Don was amazed at how close the animals were. “I never in a million years thought you could walk right up to an alligator”, he said. “Yeah, well Russ actually did, ” I said. I passed the video camera around the car, and everyone kept re-watching Russ’ gator encounter until the battery died. “Now I know for sure I’m living with an idiot”, Darlene said.

We arrived home a bit footsore, slightly sunburned, and very happy. There is nothing like a hike out in nature to bring out the best in everyone. No matter what kind of mood you may start out in, you’ll be smiling at the end. How can you not?

I kept the ticket we’d bought, which was good for 10 days after purchase. I plan on returning to Shark Valley with my bike in the hatchback, and I’m going to bike the entire 15 mile trail. I promise not to molest any wildlife, to bring plenty of liquids, a lunch, and both a video and a still camera.

The alligators are waiting, and apparently they are very patient.

Categories
Politics Thoughts and Comments

The Rickety Bridge: A Health Care Post

I haven’t written much in a political vein in a long time. In fact, looking at the dates on this blog, I see that I haven’t posted anything, period, in quite a while.

I blame the length between posts on my current job. Now that I am a partner in my own company (shameless plug: check out Clever Giraffe if you haven’t already), I’m busy all the time. And not just busy, but busy in a creative sense. All day long I write scripts, draw storyboards, edit video, create graphics, and compose special effects and composites. After a full day – quite long days, I might add – I just don’t have the energy or interest to write at night like I used to.

And as for politics, well, since Barack Obama took the oath of office, I really haven’t had anything of significance to say. Like everyone, I’m annoyed with the economy, but there is nothing to be done about that except wait it out. I was appalled at the bailouts of General Motors and Chrysler – I thought they should simply have been allowed to go bankrupt and let that be the end of it – but it certainly wasn’t that big of an issue one way or the other to me.

And of course, I very much wish Obama and the current Democrats would go all out in restoring our essential liberties – close Guantanamo, prosecute the Bush Administration traitors, restore the proper balance between the three government branches, etc. – but sadly, I realize that that is just never going to happen. We’re not Japan or Germany – our citizens will never admit fault, and there will never be any trials or justice for the evil men who destroyed our country over the last eight years. In that regard, I kind of feel like the murdered girl in The Lovely Bones: better for everyone to recover and move on than to fixate on justice. I neither forgive nor forget, but I do accept it for right now.

But this health care debate. I’ve been watching, reading, and listening to this whole thing with astonishment. I assumed that passing a solid health care bill would be an absolute no brainer. We’re in the middle of The Great Recession. More people are without health insurance than ever before. Health care costs are higher than ever before. And, as happened with our financial system, we have learned the hard way that ignoring a problem does not make it go away.

I also have a personal oar to row in this boat as well. Since the beginning of this year, I’ve had to pay for my own health insurance. My company, at two full-time employees plus a few freelancers, is far too small to get coverage from any insurance company. There is literally no way to do it, not at any cost. So our only option is to pay for it as individuals. And for me, personally, that’s $345 a month. Three hundred and forty five dollars a month. Blue Cross / Blue Shield. And the only way I even qualify for that “low rate” is via the COBRA plan, since I had the same insurance company at my last job. So, after 18 months, that rate will go up significantly. And I know damn well that should anything major happen to me – anything at all – that coverage will be cancelled in a split second.

To me, that’s pretty damn unfair. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I’m not overweight. I’m 47 years old, and apart from the regular creaks and sighs of middle age, I am in pretty good health. I should not have to worry every single day about how expensive basic health insurance is, and whether or not I can even keep it at all.

I figured a lot of people are like me. So, when Obama said he was going to champion passing a bill that would attempt to rein in health care costs, guarantee that anyone and everyone could get health insurance, forbid health insurance companies from canceling willy-nilly, and provide a public health insurance program (aka “Medicare for everybody”), I thought, “Well, this will pass quickly and easily”.

How wrong I was.

I’ve listened to more misleading craziness in the past two months that in eight years of Bush nonsense. And every single bit of it is either pure fiction – I’m talking literally made up out of thin air, total and absolute fiction – or else is based on such shocking ignorance that even Cynical Me finds it hard to believe.

I mean, come on. “Death Panels“? Jeez, people, you can read the bill yourself. There’s nothing in there that even remotely, even vaguely, even hints at such a thing. Where did that come from? You can say over and over again “There is no such thing as death panels, there never was, and there never will be”, and yet people still keep insisting they exist, that Obama “wants to kill Grandma”. It’s as if legislation is being judged using the same standards as people’s belief in Bigfoot or UFO abductions.

Then there’s the “Government can’t run anything” fable. Right. So, let’s see, the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard, NASA, FBI, Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, the entire Civil Service… I guess they’re all terribly run and about to collapse at any moment? Because each and every one of those is a government service. And each and every one of those is budgeted and legislated by that exact same Congress and that exact same President.

I grew up in the military. I had government-run health care for my whole life, up until I was 21 years old. And I was in very good health, and so were my parents and brother and sister. In fact, my parents have had government health care for their entire adult lives, up to and including now, and I’ve never heard them complain about it once. Their health care rates never go up. They never get denied coverage. They never have to worry if they’ll have health insurance next month.

My favorite is the meme about “socialism”. Does anyone even own a dictionary any more? The word “socialism” means: the government owns the means of production. Now, the bailout of General Motors and Chrysler? That truly is socialism, since it was the government buying and running a physical means of production. Government regulated or government run health care? Uh, sorry, but no. That’s called a service, folks. A service. It’s even right in the Constitution: “Provide for the general welfare.” Article 1, Section 8.

Every time I hear people say that, I wonder… do these folks think police are “socialism”? Because that’s the government providing a service. How about firemen? The military? Government regulated health care is no more or less “socialism” that are any of those services. Now, you can have a reasonable and logical debate about which services the government should and should not provide. That’s quite sensible. But to call any possible government service “socialism” is just plain ignorant.

To me, our current health care situation is like a very rickety bridge that lots of people travel on. And so, since the opponents of health care seem to love myths and fables, I’ll provide my own:

The Rickety Bridge by Jonathan Henderson

Once upon a time there was a land with a great bridge that spanned an enormous river. The bridge had been built many years ago, at an enormous cost. Thousands of people went back and forth across the bridge every day. The fortunes of this land rose and fell based on how many people were able to cross the bridge.

But as time went on, the bridge got older and older. It began to break here and there. Toll-takers were set up at each end of the bridge, to decide who could and could not cross the bridge. “Sorry, you’re too fat”, the toll-taker said to one man. “The bridge is very rickety, and we can’t afford to fix it if your weight caves in part of it.” “No smoking!” said another toll-taker. “You might set the bridge on fire!”

The bridge, however, continued to rot.

The Experts noticed the bridge was crumbling. They told the King and his Ministers that the bridge needed repairs soon, or else it would collapse. The Kind agreed… but his Ministers did not. “Your highness, it will cost too much to repair the bridge”, one said. “It is not our job to fix bridges”, said another. “The bridge has been fine for centuries,” said a third. “Why should we risk repairing it?”

The Experts pushed hard. They told the King that if the bridge collapsed, the cost to build a new one would be far greater than repairing the existing one. And, of course, thousands of people would die if the bridge collapsed. And, there would no bridge for a very long time, so many people would starve because food could not be brought over the bridge. And business would fail, because commerce could not function without the bridge.

The Ministers did not like people disagreeing with them, so they went straight to the people. “The Experts want us to destroy your bridge!” they said. “They want to put trolls at either end that will eat your Grandmother, instead of letting her pass! The Experts hate you and the bridge!” The people, of course, got very angry, and yelled and threw things at the Experts.

The bridge continued to rot.

The Ministers began holding town meetings. They would invite Experts to the meetings. People would scream at them: “Why are you putting trolls on the bridge to eat my Grandma”? The Experts would sigh, and say they had no intention of putting trolls on the bridge. They just wanted to repair it. “Well, what about the trolls?” another would cry. The Experts kept saying they didn’t know anything about any trolls, but the people would not hear of it.

The bridge continued to rot.

Some people began falling through holes in the bridge. But since most people could still cross the bridge just fine, the people shrugged and said that only lazy or stupid people fell through the holes anyway. “Better than the trolls that the Experts want!” they said.

Big chunks of the bridge fell off.

Now the Ministers told the King that just maybe, possibly, there perhaps could be some rules about who might use the bridge, but certainly nothing more. The King sighed, and said he guessed that would have to do. He did not like to go against his Ministers.

By this time, many people could not cross the bridge at all.

And then, finally, the bridge collapsed. And the once great land fell from grace, and the people became poor and hungry. Only the very, very rich could get across the river now. The people huddled together, and remembered what the Experts had said. Many people wished they had listened to the Experts. Most said the Experts were right, that perhaps they should have repaired the bridge after all.

But the Ministers stubbornly insisted that they had been right all along.

“Well”, they said, “at least we didn’t get eaten by those damn trolls”.

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Thoughts and Comments

A Memorial Day Dining Story

This morning, Frank and I decided to have breakfast at a local favorite, Weston Diner. Weston Diner is one of those great places where people line up to have their names put on a list for breakfast, where the waitresses remember your face and what you want, where the food is plentiful and the menu contains exactly what it should. There are gum-ball machines near the door. There are little tiles at each booth with pithy sayings like “A house should be clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy”. The coffee is good and continually refilled. The owner’s name is Sam.

I had corned beef hash and eggs, Frank had the “2-2-2”: Two eggs, two pancakes, two pieces of bacon. We sat in a booth in the corner and quietly ate our breakfast, occasionally looking at something on our iPhones or engaging in brief chit-chat.

The threesome in the booth behind us, however, were not so reserved. We’d paid them scant attention when we sat down: Two guys and a girl, all in their late teens. I would guess just out of high school, first year of college, thereabouts. One guy was sitting on one side of the booth, the other guy and the girl were sitting on the other side. Nice looking kids having breakfast together.

Being young and much more carefree than us two old fogies , they were talking loudly and laughing. And so, even though we were not eavesdropping, we could not help but hear the vast majority of their conversation. LIstening to them talk while we ate our breakfast, we got a slice of young life, circa 2009. العاب تكسب المال

“Eye-RACK!” the guy sitting next to the girl said loudly. “When you say it like that, it sounds so much worse than it really is, you now. Eye-RACK! You gotta say the last part of it really loud”. The other two chuckled. I couldn’t hear what the girl was saying, but the other guy was in my line of sight, so I saw his reaction to his friend’s comment. “Is that how they say it over there?” the other guy asked.

“I don’t know”, said the loud guy. العاب القمار على الانترنت “My Staff Sergeant was telling me Friday that’s how we should start saying it. Loud and with emphasis. Eye-RACK!” He laughed again.

Growing up in the Army, I knew my share of Staff Sergeants. I had this guy’s sergeant pictured in my head as he talked: A grizzled guy in his thirties, close-cropped hair, five o’clock shadow, maybe smoking a cigarette –

“She’s been there twice, so she wants us all to be prepared, you know”, he added.

My imagined Staff Sergeant vanished in a puff. I wasn’t sure how to picture a female Staff Sergeant who was advising this young man. Frank raised his eyebrows at that, and despite ourselves, we listened a little closer. كازينو اون لاين عربي

“Dude, right after Memorial Day, too”, the other guy said. “That’s wicked.”

“Thirteen weeks of training, I know, and now I’m shipping out the day after Memorial Day!” said the fellow with the Staff Sergeant. He told his friends about how he negotiated a later curfew from his mother the previous night. “I mean, normally, she’d say I have to be home by midnight. But I was like, Mom! I-m going to eye-RACK day after tomorrow! So, she said OK, I could stay out as late as I wanted”.

About then I got a refill of coffee, Frank and I talked about something else, and I stopped paying attention to the youngster’s conversation. Maybe ten minutes later, we heard them talking again.

“I hope my motorcycle’s in good shape when I come back”, the military kid was saying. “And I’m gonna get a new car too! You know… when I get back from…” and all three of them said loudly “Eye-RACK!!”

The kid was talking so fast and so loud, I felt sure that he was overcompensating. Was he trying to make sure his friends didn’t worry? Was he trying to cover up his own fear? Was I just projecting way too much onto a complete stranger?

As we were leaving, I was rehearsing a line. I was going to say to the kid, “Hey, stay safe over there”, or “Thanks for your service”, or “Come back in one piece”, something like that. But when I stood up and saw his face, I decided to just keep my mouth shut. They were three teenagers, and one of them was about to go away to war. It was not my place to insert any tone of worry or concern into their happy breakfast.

Paying the bill, I had a clear view of the T-shirt the kid was wearing. In the center was the Marine Corp emblem. Above the emblem it read, “To err is human. To forgive is divine”. And under the emblem, it said “Neither is Marine Corp policy”.

For some reason, that just really hit me hard. The shirt seemed so much more grown-up than its owner. I turned 47 last week, a big fat happy man in a nice house, cars in the garage, my own business. And here I am, looking at an 18-year-old kid smiling and grinning as he’s about to be shipped off to Iraq.

So, instead of intruding on his last breakfast with his friends, I sent him a silent wish for an uneventful tour of duty and a safe return.

Our flag flies over our driveway this Memorial Day, in honor of the men and women who gave their lives for our freedom. Who go out and do what they are asked to do, whether they think it’s right or wrong.

To my friends and family in the military, whether you’re Over Here or Over There, my best wishes. I hope with all my heart that all of you – including the loud teenager in the booth next to me whose mother extended his curfew the night before he was to be shipped out – are safe and sound next Memorial Day, and for all future Memorial Days.

Stay safe out there, guys and girls. Thanks for everything that you do, and for everything that you’ve already done.

Let Memorial Day be a day of celebration, and not a day of mourning.

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In Which Our Hero Gets Laid Off

I’ve been in the software business for 23 years now. I’ve been at 7 different companies and held 11 different jobs. I’ve worked in Chicago, Los Angeles, Seattle, Charlotte, and Fort Lauderdale. I’ve been at small companies that failed, large companies that went through tough times, and medium sized companies that got bought at just the right time. I’ve been through severe pay cuts. I’ve had huge bonuses that let me put a down payment on a house. I stayed at one medium-sized startup in 2000 until I was literally one of the last people to close up the place and hand the keys over to the new owners.

But I’ve never been laid off.

Until today.

Today my number finally came up.

It all started this past Wednesday, January 28th. Rumors had been swirling around the company for weeks that layoffs were imminent. I work (worked) at an large software company, and our business has certainly been hurting for the last few quarters. On Wednesday, it was the day for our quarterly earnings call. As a Senior level employee, I always listen to the calls, all the way though the analyst’s questions. The call was to start at 4:45 in the afternoon. At 4:09, a company-wide email popped into my inbox from our CEO. I knew right away that was not a good sign.

Sure enough, our CEO informed us that in half an hour, our company would announce that it was laying off 10% of its global workforce, and that no department and no location would be spared. I was concerned, of course. After all, I had just been reorganized into a new department with a new boss – but I rationalized that since they had gone to all that trouble, I should be safe. Also, my skill set (advanced Flash, web development and design, and product demonstration videos) saves the company a lot of money that would otherwise be spent on contractors, so I figured I should be doubly safe.

Thursday morning, January 29th, the layoffs began. There were a few people I knew, many others that I did not. One or two folks that were laid off I was not at all surprised at. And one or two people that were laid off I was extremely surprised at. At about 3pm, the layoffs stopped for the day. I breathed a sigh of relief – no one that I directly worked with had been affected.

The “rumor mill” said the layoffs would resume the next morning, but that most people had already been let go. One rumor said they were going alphabetically, and had gotten to the “M’s” that day. Another rumor said they were going department by department, and my department had been passed by. Ah, the good old rumor mill. Every workplace has one.

All during the day, everyone tip-toed around, whispering, looking over their shoulders to see if they were about to be tapped, called, or motioned into a conference room. No work got done. The tension was palpable, the pressure was heavy. We all bid goodbye for the evening, and called each other during the night to talk about who had been laid off, and who survived.

And then this morning. I had a video and photo shoot scheduled for the morning, for which I always bring in my own equipment (you know, to save the company money). However, my co-worker who was to set up the demo system had run into problems, so we decided to re-schedule for the afternoon. I made a joke that maybe I shouldn’t leave all my camera equipment there “in case either of us gets laid off”. “Oh, be serious,” said my colleague. “They’d never fire you. You do too much and save them too much money”. securovision lunettes Ah, the voice of fate.

So I left to return to my building (our company – that is, my former company – is spread across five buildings near the Fort Lauderdale Executive Airport). Just as I was entering the building, I got a text message that one of my co-workers had just gotten the ax. I got up to my floor just in time to see him leaving, escorted out by a burly-looking Human Resources gentleman.

Well, holy shit. That sure caused ripples. The phones lit up – my colleague had been with the company for nearly ten years, and had been in many different teams and worked on many different products. The feeling became… well, if he can go, then anyone can go.

News of at least one senior vice president being pink slipped came down the pipe. A few more people I know on the same floor were quietly escorted out. And then the floor got quiet again.

After a half-hour, those of us left sighed with relief yet again. Confident that the worst was over, eight of us – including a senior department leader – all went out to lunch together. We stretched lunch out until 1:30, since no one really wanted to go back to the now-much-emptier office.

Back at the office, we didn’t hear about any more folks being laid off. We watched the clock, and continued to visit in each other’s office and cubes. At 2:40, Frank IM’d me – “Is it over yet? Are you safe?” I replied that it sure looked that way.

At 3:02 pm, I turned around and said loudly, “OK, it’s after 3pm! Looks like it’s all over with!”

And my phone rang. I looked at it. The caller ID on the phone identified the caller as coming from The Corner Office Where They Were Doing The Layoffs. I looked at it, and said, just as loudly, “Oh, shit”. My colleague in the cube across from me looked shocked, “No, no…” he said quietly. I picked up the phone, said, “Hello, this is Jonathan,” in my best business voice. subcutaneous swine ivermectin injection And of course it was my boss on the line. “Jonathan, can you meet me in the corner office?” he said.

And that was that. The exit process was quick. I sat as calmly and tried to look as professional as I was able to muster, nodding and giving a tight smile when it seemed appropriate. The company gave me a reasonable amount of severance pay, and made a big deal out of offering the help of an employment placement agency.

Finally I was “escorted” by another very burly looking Human Resources gentleman to my cube, where I picked up my laptop (my own laptop, because, you know, I always liked to save the company money by using my own equipment). I didn’t bother with the rest of my things there – books, tchotchkes, various computer peripherals and supplies – those could just be mailed to me later. I knew that the faster I got out of there, the easier it would be on the psyches of everyone still working there.

The only catch came when I said that I had to get my cameras from the other building – I was not going to leave $3,000 worth of still and video camera stuff in another building, waiting for it to be inventoried and eventually returned to me. After filling out a few forms, and letting the security guard itemize every item in the camera bag, I was allowed to take it with me.

And then I drove home.

Bad news spreads fast, especially among the digerati. By the time I got to my car, I had already sent out a few text messages and had updated my Facebook status to “just got laid off”. By the time I started my car, my phone was already ringing with the first of half-a-dozen condolence calls.

I saw the news today, oh boy. Brian Williams informed me that this week, more jobs were lost that in any single week in 35 years. “102,000 jobs in just one week!” he intoned solemnly. “No shit, Sherlock!” I yelled at the TV.

I don’t drink, and I gave up smoking four years ago, so I don’t have any vices to speak of. I thought about making a batch of cookies or perhaps some ice cream (I always make my own junk food nowadays), but I just didn’t have the energy. I had a phone conversation with my parents. My dad said “Oh, you’ll probably get a promotion out of this”, and my mom said it would all turn out for the best. I love my parents… even after 46 years, they always know the right thing to say.

Frank – who was laid off from a job a few years ago, and has been through the drill before – vacillated between 1) assuring me that I would have another job in record time, and 2) wondering what the idiots at my (former) company were thinking when they let me go. I simply didn’t have the energy, so I let him talk. By 8pm, after several hours of frenzied work over the internet, Frank had already compiled a list of over a dozen open positions with 50 miles that suit my qualifications. I gently told him that… well… I just don’t feel like looking at them right now.

And so I sit here in my comfy bed, typing this blog post on my (paid for with a credit card) MacBook Air. ivermectina 3 mg para humanos What I’ve been through isn’t unique, isn’t special, isn’t unheard of. The news every week this year has been reeling off the numbers of jobs lost and the companies who are losing the jobs. I know, intellectually, that I (probably) was not targeted. I was just a number that needed to be trimmed. I was one of the 102,000 people that lost their jobs this week. I am a new Victim Of This Recession.

Tomorrow morning, I’ll wake up, and it’ll be another pretty day in Florida. I’ll have a nice cup of coffee, read (calmly) through my bright, cheery folder of severance information, and figure out where I stand. I’ll make sure all my information on LinkedIn and Plaxo and Facebook and MySpace and everywhere else I can think of is up-to-date.

And then, come Monday, I’ll start the long, tedious process of looking for a new job.

Just as we were going to bed, Frank said, “You know… this isn’t how I imagined we’d be spending our forties. I figured we’d be working towards our retirement, like our parents were at this age. I figured we’d be in our prime – not looking for new jobs or worrying that we can’t even keep our house.”

I had planned on writing a movie or book review here tonight. Instead, there’s this post, which I doubt anyone will want to read but which I needed very badly to write. So to those few people out there who’ve stuck with me and have read this far, please: Hug your children, kiss your spouse, play with your pets, phone your loved ones, eat a hearty meal, drink a refreshing beverage, read a good book, watch a nice movie, enjoy the winter air, look up at the stars, take a deep breath…

And wish me luck. Thanks.

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A Miraculous Start For 2009

One week into the new year, my first week with a new boss and a new job – and I take off work to go assist my mother, who’s just come out of an emergency three-day stint in the hospital. I fly across the country to St. Louis and drive two more hours to their house. And while I’m at Lowe’s with my dad, shopping for new fixtures to make it easier for her to get in and out of the shower, I get a phone call from Frank: “Donnie’s plane just crashed – but he’s OK. Check CNN”. A quick look at my iPhone tells me that a US Airways jet has, in fact, just crashed into the Hudson river, and my nephew Don was on board and is standing on the wing of the plane as it’s sinking. And how was your week?

Yes, 2009 has certainly come in with a bang here in the Henderson household(s).

I don’t normally blog about my job, and I won’t start now – except to note that due to an internal reorganization, my first day back at work this year involved moving all my stuff out of my cube and across the company campus to another building, into a new cube, reporting to a new boss, and with a new set of responsibilities. With that as background, you can imagine that I’m doing my best to impress. But just two days into the week, I get a call that Mom has been rushed to the emergency room and is currently in the hospital in Rolla, Missouri.

Even after my mother checks out of the hospital, it’s clear that she’s going to need help during her recovery period. My father is partially disabled as the result of a series of strokes, and while he has lofty intentions, he is often simply not physically capable of accomplishing things. My sister pitches in for the weekend, but she cannot stay longer than a day. After a morning chewing my lip and pulling my hair, I decide that I’m going to have to fly to Rolla and do what I can to help out. Fortunately, my new boss is understanding, and with the help of Frank’s airline connections, off I go.

Monday morning, January 12th, I arrive in St. Louis after a series of hops across the country courtesy the friendly folks at Southwest Airlines. Having lived in South Florida for almost five years now, I’m always shocked when I travel north in the winter and am reminded of how barren and dead everything looks in the winter – which is, in fact, one of the main reasons I live as close to the tropics as is economically feasible (Hawaii was our original plan, but that didn’t work out). Rolla is a small-ish town about a hundred miles from St. Louis, so I pile into a rental car and drive down the frozen interstate to go Meet The Parents.

Mom looks gaunt and thin (imagine a blond, female Steve Jobs in her late sixties) but is in reasonable spirits. However, their house is a mess, and they clearly need a hand. They’ve got four dogs, four cats, and three horses on their 38-acre gentleman’s farm, so having both of them incapacitated for a week is bad news all around. So, I begin pitching in, cleaning out horse stalls (aka “mucking“, a disgusting task which I have not had to do since I was 18 years old), fixing electronics, patching walls, baking cookies, you name it.

While this is going on, of course, I’m always in constant contact with my other family and friends (as detailed in my previous post about connections), so I know that my nephew Don is currently on a business trip in New York. Don is my nephew by marriage (Frank’s sister’s oldest son) and we are very close. In fact, we’ve worked together at two of my last four jobs. Don, his wife Elizabeth, and son Ethan are our most frequent visitors here. They often drive or fly down from Charlotte, and we have a tradition going back over 15 years of always spending Thanksgiving together. Naturally, we all keep touch several times a week.

And so you can visualize my state of mind as I’m standing there in Lowe’s, a shopping cart filled with shower stall handles, safety treads, new wiring and spackling, searching the aisles for some slider thingies to put on the bottom of chairs to make it easier to move them around, when my phone rings. I know in the back of my head that Donnie is flying back to Charlotte this afternoon, and since Frank works in the airline business, he always tracks everyone’s flights when any of us fly anywhere. I fully expect him to say something like, “Well, Donnie’s back from New York, blah blah blah”.

Instead, I hear his panicked voice: “Donnie’s plane has crashed.”

I yell “What?” at the top of my lungs into the phone, as Frank quickly adds “But he’s OK. He’s OK. He’s on a rescue ferry right now, he’s shivering cold and wet, but he’s OK. Check CNN. I gotta go call everyone else now”. I tell Dad “Donnie’s plane just crashed” tersely as I log in and check CNN, to see a picture of a US Airways plane floating in the Hudson River, both wings covered with passengers trying desperately not to slide off into the water. And standing very near the end of the wing is, in fact, my nephew Don Norton.

The rest of the story is well known international news now. Don himself has been on TV numerous times in the past two days, and was on Larry King LIve last night with two other survivors, talking about the crash. But not just talking about it passively – because Don was sitting in seat 11F. The emergency exit row seat right next to the emergency exit door. Because Frank has always insisted that we sit in the emergency exit row for the additional legroom. And while the plane is going down, right after the pilot yells “Brace for impact!”, my nephew Don Norton is studying the emergency card, going over how to get that door open the second the plane stops.

Which he does. You can watch him describe doing just that here on Fox & Friends, or here on Larry King Live. Oh, and my other nephew Shane Norton, his brother? Works for ESPN. And so of course he got Don to call in to his network. Thus you can hear Don on the ESPN Mike and Mike show here – which is a sports show not normally known for covering plane crashes.

Today, Saturday January 17th, I flew back to Fort Lauderdale. Someone asked me if I was nervous about flying, considering what just happened. I laughed it off. I figured the odds of being in a plane crash are remote enough. But being in a plane crash the same week my nephew was in one? Not gonna happen.

In 3 days we’ll swear in a new President, and start a new era for our nation. But my little family? We’ve gotten a head start. My mother’s stint in the hospital has revitalized her spirit and given her new courage to take on the challenges in her life head on. Rather than depress her, the incident seems to have given her a new zeal and charge for life. And so I have to conclude that although it was painful for her and scary for the whole family, the end result seems to be positive and uplifting. And I leave Missouri feeling almost glad that Mom went to the emergency room, because I get the very distinct feeling that she will actually be stronger as a result.

My nephew, meanwhile, was a key part of what’s been called The Miracle on the Hudson. And how can that not make you feel good? We’re all so happy and grateful for his safety, and so proud of the way he handled himself. The story of Flight 1549, with every single person on board surviving, has become an uplifting tale for a nation that sorely needs some good news. So once again – although I’d never, ever, ever wish it to have actually happened – a possible tragedy has turned into a positive, an event that makes everyone feel better and resolve to be a better person as a result. How can that not be a good thing?

There was a John Carpenter movie back in 1984 called Starman, about an alien who has to live on earth for a few days disguised as a human until he’s rescued. Near the end of the movie, someone asks him what he thinks is beautiful about the human race. His answer?

“You are at your best when things are at their worst”.

And so this week of illness and plane crashes comes to an end… and I feel uplifted. I feel a new sense of hope and promise. Times have been hard, and things have been bad. But if family is a microcosm of society – and I believe that it is – I cannot be depressed. I look around me, and I feel love and comfort. I look up into the sky tonight, and the stars shine with hope.

2009 is going to be a great year.